actuality.log


Saturday, November the 25th, 2006

(As you’re painfully aware, I’ve been unable to do this for a long time. I am not going to delve into the details, but let’s just say that I’ve been busy, and I was trying to match up to some arbitrary standard that I just can’t reach in this frame of mind. I apologise to any readers who are expecting thought-provoking, skillfully-worded content—this is not that at all.)

I am most definitely not what you would call religious, though I’d like to believe that I am being watched over by a higher power. Not one to take part in ritualistic-formalities (and trust me, there is a ton of that amongst my people), I just mutter my little thank-yous on occasion, and go about my day. I don’t really pray, or frequent temples, or… you know, do the whole organised-religion thing very well. But lately (alright, yesterday), I had the urge to just lie prostrate on the floor for the longest time… begging… for everything in my sorry life to fix itself.

Yes, I know what you’re mumbling: “Great way to fix things, jackass.”

Shut up.

I don’t want to have the kinds of conversations I am having recently. I don’t want to have the sorts of thoughts and urges that’ve cropped up. I don’t want to deal with mounds of tension and stress without a hint of relief. I don’t want the nightmares, and I most definitely don’t want the convulsions.

I am generically quite good to the world, what the fuck is its problem with me?

This is a printer-friendly version of the journal entry “Gaining my religion” from actuality.log. Visit http://emphaticallystatic.org/earlier/gaining-my-religion/ to read the original entry and follow any responses to it.

5 Responses to “Gaining my religion”

  1. J says:

    what IS happening?

  2. pundit says:

    Too much to get into in particular. They all primarily revolve around having conversations no one ought to have.

  3. J says:

    And he doesn’t even write to me anymore.

  4. pundit says:

    OK, let me start talking. Here are the first few things that were bothering me; you can tell me a few things that’s making you unhappy too.

    – I was (extremely) sick and barely able to get up.
    – Upon seeing pictures of her son, the son was asked to answer questions along the line of “Why do you look so sad?”
    – I had just had a bit of a tiff that stemmed from the these words told to me: “But you only talk to people you fancy sleeping with.”

  5. J says:

    Ah. I do hope you’re feeling better now.


1 people conned into wasting their bandwidth.