Gaining my religion
Saturday, November the 25th, 2006
(As you’re painfully aware, I’ve been unable to do this for a long time. I am not going to delve into the details, but let’s just say that I’ve been busy, and I was trying to match up to some arbitrary standard that I just can’t reach in this frame of mind. I apologise to any readers who are expecting thought-provoking, skillfully-worded content—this is not that at all.)
I am most definitely not what you would call religious, though I’d like to believe that I am being watched over by a higher power. Not one to take part in ritualistic-formalities (and trust me, there is a ton of that amongst my people), I just mutter my little thank-yous on occasion, and go about my day. I don’t really pray, or frequent temples, or… you know, do the whole organised-religion thing very well. But lately (alright, yesterday), I had the urge to just lie prostrate on the floor for the longest time… begging… for everything in my sorry life to fix itself.
Yes, I know what you’re mumbling: “Great way to fix things, jackass.”
Shut up.
I don’t want to have the kinds of conversations I am having recently. I don’t want to have the sorts of thoughts and urges that’ve cropped up. I don’t want to deal with mounds of tension and stress without a hint of relief. I don’t want the nightmares, and I most definitely don’t want the convulsions.
I am generically quite good to the world, what the fuck is its problem with me?
December 1st, 2006 at 5:26 am
what IS happening?
December 1st, 2006 at 10:17 pm
Too much to get into in particular. They all primarily revolve around having conversations no one ought to have.
December 5th, 2006 at 12:56 am
And he doesn’t even write to me anymore.
December 5th, 2006 at 9:00 pm
OK, let me start talking. Here are the first few things that were bothering me; you can tell me a few things that’s making you unhappy too.
- I was (extremely) sick and barely able to get up.
- Upon seeing pictures of her son, the son was asked to answer questions along the line of “Why do you look so sad?”
- I had just had a bit of a tiff that stemmed from the these words told to me: “But you only talk to people you fancy sleeping with.”
December 6th, 2006 at 8:32 am
Ah. I do hope you’re feeling better now.