Or on the brink anyhow. This is madness, I just hope I don’t do something weird during the test itself. (Read: Pass out, cry, just fall down and start screaming in pain, get all defensive and start blaming arbitrary things for lack of knowledge, …)
It was so much easier when I was younger. I could be the guy who didn’t know squat, put in the 18 hours of reading, suddenly come out the guy who knew more than most. All that’s gone. I can’t really concentrate for more than a couple of hours (which explains why I am out here typing this), and even that time spent isn’t tremendously productive.
And there used to be this huge support network functioning quietly and efficiently at times like this, primarily my mom. If I looked tired, I needn’t ask for a glass of tea or whatever, it’d just be there. Having to make my own food was never an issue. If I realized the books I had were worthless, I could order someone to buy me better ones. If I was spending 8 hours trying to pass some level in some game on the eve of a test, I would at least be asked if I felt prepared enough to warrant goofing off.
Now, nothing. None of these and other such things exist. It’s only a matter of time before I sink, expecting inherent capabilities and support nets that don’t exist anymore to keep me afloat.