Anger and such. Makes you less productive, just nags and… doesn’t solve anything.
Firstly, I need to say I am furious. It takes a lot to get me worked up, but it’s happened none the less. Nothing in particular, general incompetence, lies and so on, all piling on top of each other until I’ve seemingly snapped. (Yes, complete with the smoke coming out of my ears and all that).
I won’t go into details, as I can’t. Though I have clearly stated in the disclaimer in the .info that the content can’t be used anti-me ever, this space has to be a toned down, and moderated version of my thoughts and feelings. Why? Records of things said is in general, not nice. It’s even worse when it’s out in the open for everybody to see.
It’s like you want to scream, but you can’t cause someone will hear you. So, I choose the obfuscated scream.
And the worst part is, I am not sure it’s all anger. (Yes, most of it is). But the incompetence bit. I am not sure I am not terrified of my upcoming talks amongst giants. Since I seemingly don’t know too much, there’s no guarantee I won’t mess up. I am not able to handle that and directing that fear (constructively er) as anger towards other incompetent and “can’t make up their mind as to what they want” people around me.
To nullify this irritating feeling and to take my mind off (lack of ability to do decent) work, I’ve been shopping. Audio gear, a webcam, tons of music (completing some of my album collections, forging on to the singles), and cool books. Including, some god state stuff.
Hopefully reading (and comprehending) them will take me to that state. All knowing (well, knowing enough anyway), and hence peaceful.