actuality.log


Wednesday, April the 21st, 2004

Music today is not always nice and happy. Never go to sleep with one angry song looping over and over again. You’ll feel horrid and mean when you wake after a few hours. I feel so bitter right now. Then again, what is the deal with this arbitrary shutting down and going to sleep at my desk anyway? Sheesh.

Just a short while ago, I was this weird outcast guy. I was so different from everyone else, they warned their kids not to get too close to me? Random people who amount to nobodies in this world judged my behavioural patterns. “Ohh, who does he think he is to not hang out at the ‘desi hangouts’ all the time ?” or “So who does he think he is to have shoulder length hair?” … Just a whole lot of arbitrary crap, for no real reason. Some people do things differently from the “conformant mindless drones”. I am one of those people, and I’m very proud of it. And I am quite capable of dealing with (consequent?) nonsense from other people.

For some reason, I remembered the much famed “Our paradoxical world” slide show. (Ahh, the joys of misbehaving mouse drawn art.)

Anyway, today there was this social mixer (yes, I went) sort of thing where I ran into a lot of people. Ahh yes, how they come groveling to me when they need something. It’s the same people who felt they were cool enough to judge me or what I do, without even getting to know me as a person a short while ago.

(As an aside, I have no qualms about people judging people, people with prejudices, people with biased opinions of different sorts… I mean, everyone has a lot of all of that and more. It is how much you let it affect your rational decisions and how much of it you show through your actions that has to be moderated. If you’re smarter than me, by all means, think me dumb. Just, not otherwise. And don’t tell me anything of the sort, because it isn’t very polite.

I won’t either.)

What is this about? Around this time, the people stopping with their masters degrees are finishing up (yes, a term after some other people). And with the brilliant job scene (extreme sarcasm), only a handful of them have some hope of finding some sort of work. Somehow, they get to know things like I have relatives who head research in large companies. Now, they’re all “Hey (insert an equivalent word to ‘friend’ here), how are you. Blah blah. Blah Blah.” I am like hmm, “Do I know you? What the fish do you care?”, this doesn’t seem normal, where’s the catch. And then it comes. “So could you please put in a word for me”, “forward my resumé”, “get me in touch with him/her”…. and a lot of other such similar things using different words, but boiling down to the same thing – Please help me.

Hahah. Firstly, I’m saddened by their stupidity in assuming my word has any weight with regard to anything of this sort. But more importantly, yeah, suuuure I will go all out to make sure your sorry life gets on the track you want to be in. Considering all you’ve done for yours truly is to be nice and kind and generous and understanding and …

Suuure. Ahahahaahah.

Ok, so I don’t plan on mocking, laughing, abusing the situation, or kicking sand in their faces. But that doesn’t mean I plan on being the “bigger man” by allowing people to trample me when they feel like it, and magically helping them when they need it, either.

Fish them all I say. I don’t need. They do.

Never forgive. Never forget.
And never forgive.

And totally unrelated, carefully sprayed hair-spray sure beats hair in your face at inopportune moments.

This is a printer-friendly version of the journal entry “Lashing out, because I’ve been hypnotised” from actuality.log. Visit http://emphaticallystatic.org/earlier/lashing-out-because-ive-been-hypnotised/ to read the original entry and follow any responses to it.

5 Responses to “Lashing out, because I’ve been hypnotised”

  1. anita says:

    ah yes, this is why i don’t have many indian friends.

    (not that these people you mentioned are necessarily indian, but it just seems like something that a lot of indians do.)

  2. wahgnube says:

    Yes, I sort of implied that. And it’s a bit unfair, since I’ve lived over a third of my life there, and these are the only people that exist there.

    Which obviously correlates to very few friends. Not just Indian friends.

  3. anita says:

    i kinda felt like one of them today…when i was emailing the friend of a friend, i was all like hey, how are you, etc. can you help me get a job at your company??

    hah. i’ve turned into one of them.

  4. wahgnube says:

    It’s not exactly the same thing now, is it? You weren’t, just the previous day or something, going about broadcasting your (ill informed, totally unwarranted, formed over the most trivial of reasons, and generally stupid) negative opinions regarding this person.

    Even worse, these people were insensitive enough to do it when I was RIGHT THERE. I mean, I know (and they do too) it doesn’t bother me, but that doesn’t mean I have to take it lying down. I probably can, but I’m beginning to think it’s because I do that this sort of thing happens in the first place, you know?

    When you don’t know, don’t have a problem with, or have a problem with but keep your opinions to yourself, I doubt it hurts to ask them for a favour.

    Of course, more importantly, this person was helpful, and I get back to crossing fingers again for your interview.

    :)

  5. anita says:

    you’re right, i’m not that bad. never said anything negative about this girl, she’s a sweet, bubbly, friendly person, and i’m sure she didn’t mind a bit. it’s just that i did feel a little weird about emailing her the way i did – i mean, i’ve been acquainted with her since childhood, and i’ve never in my life emailed her or called her or anything until i realized she could help me. so there was a little bit of feeling like i was being a bit fake. but maybe i wasn’t, i don’t know. regardless, she helped, and all is good.

    and thank you for the fingers, i need all the help i can get : )


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