actuality.log


Friday, October the 8th, 2004

[Halfway through typing up last night’s post, I realized I had at least three quite unrelated thoughts I was trying to cram into one block of text. Before I probably do something similar today, I’d like to say in my defence that it was almost 2 A.M when I typed that up, and I wasn’t particularly concentrating on what I was saying, just desperately trying to do anything but the ton of work I had piled up.

Needless to say, I still have all that work piled up. Hence the existence of today’s post.]

My second pass at this. The “let’s try to make some sense” variant.

Men and women are rather different. We can feign things so that we appear similar enough on the surface, but we’re rather different. Case in point, levels of communication. I am fairly certain we each have a certain treshold-number-of-words we’re capable of handling in a day. On average, I’d say a woman can handle some 8000 whereas the guy can handle some 1000.

Yes, I made up those numbers.

Anyway, guys just don’t talk as much about certain things. We don’t even talk as much at all, let alone about specific things. Which is a root cause for a lot of confusion, as at many points, women like things explicitly stated. They’re not tremendous fans of the ambiguous flows guys have little trouble wallowing in. So during dinner, it came up over and over how this guy never calls, or never writes or never anything. But then again, out of the blue, at random points, he is still capable of extremely sweet gestures.

Of course, since I was there, and I was a guy too, I was quite obviously asked for my take on things, in a how-could-he-possibly-be-seeing-me way. My first instinct, which was what I went with, was for god sakes the please don’t label him as “generally nice”. He is being nice, specifically with you, for reasons he will not state, but ones you must magically read. I mean, you are the woman right? Aren’t you supposed to be extremely perceptive to this sort of thing? Why should he say anything? Why should he call when he does what he does?

Of course, it later dawned on me that that was a spur of the moment, erroneous judgement call. In most cases, someone being nice is being nice expecting some sort of payoff, but that isn’t always true. Even cynics have to have that much faith in humanity. I mean, the nature of some of these “sweet gestures” could fall under a general sort of carey-safeguardey-providery “state”, which is nothing more than a natural response to “take care of and be nice to” someone close who needs help at the time.

Meaning, read into it or not, don’t trust a clown like me to make the call. And definitely don’t take my take on things as sufficient reason to go ahead with your “make yourself stunning so he doesn’t stand a chance since he likes you but just doesn’t know it, yet” plans.

This is a printer-friendly version of the journal entry “My Big Mouth—Reprise” from actuality.log. Visit http://emphaticallystatic.org/earlier/my-big-mouth-reprise/ to read the original entry and follow any responses to it.

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