Weird phases
Saturday, April the 15th, 2006
Fight Club is the quintessential “man movie.” You know that as well as I.
The reason I bring it up, is that I’m sick of lying to people when they ask me, “So, how is everything going?” I know I tell them over and over that it’s “all well and going just fine.” I’ve probably told you the same thing recently too. But in actuality, I don’t know how else to describe my state other than to say that it’s about the same state as Ed Norton’s character was during Fight Club.
This is a very weird phase of my life. I am disinterested, unmotivated, tired, unproductive, … and most distressingly, uncreative.
While we’re on this topic, I might as well get another related thing out of the way. I guess it’s that time of my academic life or whatever, but I’m often asked the question, “So, what are your plans for the future?” Yes, I understand I told you a lot of things and painted a rosy picture, but honestly? that’s a lie too; I just don’t know. Lately, I’ve been thinking rather seriously of getting into something totally different and selfless—like social service in some really needy place. I don’t really know what I want anymore; I just know it’s not this.
April 16th, 2006 at 10:24 pm
Well hey, join the club. I’m just at the point in my life where I’m finally changing directions, and I’m still not sure where that’s going to go. Um…good luck? :)
April 17th, 2006 at 3:36 pm
Yeah, I hate that question too. “what are your plans for the future?” Why do people want to know about your future?? I don’t think they’ll care two years down the line, what you actually did with your future…
I think very few people are honest about their feelings of cluelessness, and sometimes it’s just easier to ask the little voice deep inside to shut up. But that voice has a way of nagging you, softly but surely, continously.
(pardon the rant. I blame my own version of the weird phase.) :D
April 18th, 2006 at 2:15 am
i’m in a similar phase myself. and it’s worse to go through such a phase when you’re out of school and in the real world. it’s harder to lie about too.
April 21st, 2006 at 10:58 pm
Michelle: Thanks! But it’s going to need a little bit more than just luck I’m afraid. I need to make some positive changes; once I realise what they are.
April 21st, 2006 at 11:02 pm
anonymiss: You’re free to rant here any time. Which prompts me to say: If you have something bottled up that you’ve wanted to scream somewhere, but lack the outlet, you could be this lucky space’s first guest columnist!
And on topic, I doubt anyone really cares—even at the moment they ask, let alone two years down the line—when they ask you what your future plans are. I think they’re just vaguely curious, and think of it as a brilliant way of starting a conversation.
April 21st, 2006 at 11:07 pm
anita: I was about to revolt, but I must admit that is true. The (positive?) thing about school is that people don’t seem to think twice about it when I indicate how stagnant my life is. It’s brushed away as, “It’s just a phase, once you get into the real world, all will be as it should.”
Not automatically it won’t. Nothing fundamental will change.
But they don’t know that, so I can get away.