actuality.log


Saturday, April the 15th, 2006

Fight Club is the quintessential “man movie.” You know that as well as I.

The reason I bring it up, is that I’m sick of lying to people when they ask me, “So, how is everything going?” I know I tell them over and over that it’s “all well and going just fine.” I’ve probably told you the same thing recently too. But in actuality, I don’t know how else to describe my state other than to say that it’s about the same state as Ed Norton’s character was during Fight Club.

This is a very weird phase of my life. I am disinterested, unmotivated, tired, unproductive, … and most distressingly, uncreative.

While we’re on this topic, I might as well get another related thing out of the way. I guess it’s that time of my academic life or whatever, but I’m often asked the question, “So, what are your plans for the future?” Yes, I understand I told you a lot of things and painted a rosy picture, but honestly? that’s a lie too; I just don’t know. Lately, I’ve been thinking rather seriously of getting into something totally different and selfless—like social service in some really needy place. I don’t really know what I want anymore; I just know it’s not this.

This is a printer-friendly version of the journal entry “Weird phases” from actuality.log. Visit http://emphaticallystatic.org/earlier/weird-phases/ to read the original entry and follow any responses to it.

6 Responses to “Weird phases”

  1. Michelle says:

    Well hey, join the club. I’m just at the point in my life where I’m finally changing directions, and I’m still not sure where that’s going to go. Um…good luck? :)

  2. anonymiss says:

    Yeah, I hate that question too. “what are your plans for the future?” Why do people want to know about your future?? I don’t think they’ll care two years down the line, what you actually did with your future…
    I think very few people are honest about their feelings of cluelessness, and sometimes it’s just easier to ask the little voice deep inside to shut up. But that voice has a way of nagging you, softly but surely, continously.

    (pardon the rant. I blame my own version of the weird phase.) :D

  3. anita says:

    i’m in a similar phase myself. and it’s worse to go through such a phase when you’re out of school and in the real world. it’s harder to lie about too.

  4. pundit says:

    Michelle: Thanks! But it’s going to need a little bit more than just luck I’m afraid. I need to make some positive changes; once I realise what they are.

  5. pundit says:

    anonymiss: You’re free to rant here any time. Which prompts me to say: If you have something bottled up that you’ve wanted to scream somewhere, but lack the outlet, you could be this lucky space’s first guest columnist!

    And on topic, I doubt anyone really cares—even at the moment they ask, let alone two years down the line—when they ask you what your future plans are. I think they’re just vaguely curious, and think of it as a brilliant way of starting a conversation.

  6. pundit says:

    anita: I was about to revolt, but I must admit that is true. The (positive?) thing about school is that people don’t seem to think twice about it when I indicate how stagnant my life is. It’s brushed away as, “It’s just a phase, once you get into the real world, all will be as it should.”

    Not automatically it won’t. Nothing fundamental will change.

    But they don’t know that, so I can get away.


1 people conned into wasting their bandwidth.