actuality.log


Sunday, March the 21st, 2004

“Back” to large (or small) bodies of boring text, for a bit. Most of my days have been consumed with work, walks, helping out here and there with the gimp, and conversations. Actual conversations with interesting people, about fascinating topics.

For reasons I don’t need to explain to you, the W-word if offlimits.

I’m quite proud of the self control I possess. I’ve been this way since I was very little. At points, it is waay more than proud. It is such a huge part of who I am, I have to keep making sure it stays that way. I’m the most calculated and rational person I know, however I might sound. And actually, it has worked very well for most aspects of my life. Obviously, it fails for the really important things, and I keep screwing up over and over, but for everything else I think it works better than most. Another scarily important aspect of this control, is self denial. I can, quite happily, deny myself something I know I want, just as a show of power by my brain. It’s just its way of going, listen up all outlaw wannabe rogue parts of the body, I own you. Accept it, or I’ll make you.

I’ve been directing some of this (self proclaimed) control to cut my diet in half. For whatever reasons, I decided to drop my body mass. I decided to drop it, in this country’s units, some 20. Actually that’s not that much, it’s just scaled up and makes it seem like a lot more than it really is. I was thinking of reaching a body mass I was at a certain point in my life, without exercise. Why? Because I need to remember that I can.

To put things in perspective, and to make sure no one is starving, here are my old and new diet compared. Halving my diet just sounds a lot worse than it really is.

A bowl of cereal and enough milk
A glass of orange juice
4 (rather chunky) chocolate chip cookies
A large sandwich
An awful lot of soft drink

Half a bowl of cereal and enough milk (with half the fat content)
Half a glass of orange juice
3 (rather chunky) chocolate chip cookies
Half a sandwich
A lot less soft drink
More water than soft drink

I know 4/2 cookies does not equal 3. But cookies rock, and even I don’t have that much control. The big deal here is I’ve decided to always drink more water than soft drink if/when I do drink it. It’s working like a charm. There is only a finite amount of fluid I can ingest at a given point of time. I’ve done this for a while now, and I have reached hmm 60% my target. Which means I have 8 units of body mass left, before I can find the next big thing to prove something to myself with.

Maybe exercise exercise instead? I know I hate work work. But the weather is a lot nicer outside, and I am thinking of becoming a wee bit healthier. Not just reducing body mass, just push that heart attack sort of thing a few years later down life’s path. In related news, I’ve slowly started doing some of my yoga. It’s kind of funny, I was sort of forced to formally learn a routine before I left to help me out when I’m stressed. I was all pffft me? Stressed?

Ok, I admit it. I’m still like that. It’s just, I can feel like I’m probably relieving some (non existent if need be) tension can’t I?

This is a printer-friendly version of the journal entry “Even more changes” from actuality.log. Visit http://emphaticallystatic.org/earlier/even-more-changes/ to read the original entry and follow any responses to it.
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