actuality.log


Friday, April the 21st, 2006

No matter how much you’re concerned for your friendly neighbours and would love to give them an evening off; don’t give-in to the urge to volunteer baby-sitting their baby—especially if the (now-not-so-)darling little angle is progressing through the final stages of her teething phase; or you don’t know what you’re doing.

Whatever you do, if in the process of baby-sitting her, she spits up into your tee, let it go. You can change later. Really, it’s no big deal.

As you begin to change—after gingerly giving-in to lowering her for a bit and keeping her in plain sight—whatever you do, put on another shirt before returning to her; even if she’s begun to wail. Really, it doesn’t take more than five seconds.

Whatever your “instincts” tell you, do not cradle the wailing baby to your exposed chest while attempting to console her. No, really. Presenting a decoy, non-functioning teat to a baby with tiny (but surprisingly effective) teeth is just asking for it.

But it’s not like you’d ever get yourself into such a situation now, would you?

This is a printer-friendly version of the journal entry “Lacking functional teats” from actuality.log. Visit http://emphaticallystatic.org/earlier/lacking-functional-teats/ to read the original entry and follow any responses to it.

4 Responses to “Lacking functional teats”

  1. anita says:

    this is the funniest thing i’ve heard in a while…i know that’s of no comfort to you, but i’m cracking up just picturing the incident in my head. thanks for the laugh!

  2. J says:

    i hate babies, so I suppose, nothing like this would happen to me.

  3. pundit says:

    anita: Glad I elicited a chuckle. Embellished as the tale was, just as I was beginning to fret over losing the ability to come up with something remotely funny, reality kicked in!

  4. pundit says:

    J: I’m almost disappointed. I thought everyone adored babies; at least I know I do.


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