Since I’m having difficulty coming up with topics of conversation—where by “conversation” I mean a scheme where I talk and you listen—I decided to revert to old faithful staples.
I begin with a question. Not a rhetorical question, a serious one. Do women intentionally over-sway their hips when they walk? Or is it one of those natural nature-clearly-prefers-women and loves-to-give-them-trance-inducing-power-over-men stunts I see so often?
If you got that one, here’s another. It’s about pee, so you probably shouldn’t be reading this if you don’t want to. Is it so wrong that some males just prefer peeing sitting down? Or is this just another one of those situations where you can’t win? You sit down, you get laughed at. You stand, you aren’t accurate enough, you end up getting it where you didn’t plan to, and you and you get mocked again. Just great.
What? Put off by questions that don’t follow, what you declare, “appropriate decorum”? Fine. Here are conversation excerpts from the past few weeks, especially picked because I never in my life thought I’d hear them.
“I really need to go. Got to shave my legs. It’s been so long, it’s not even stubbly anymore, it’s getting soft”.
“Anyone who’s even contemplating combing over should shave their heads. Women love shaved heads.”
“That last bus driver was a great shag”.
“Hey, is that a white hair I see on your head? You want me to pluck it for you?”
“Doing the worm reeeally hurt. The last time I tried it, it went well. But I was 9, and hadn’t hit puberty yet.”