Sunday, December the 25th, 2005

One of my cousin’s birthdays coincides with Christmas, but that is not central to this story. I had a piece of a most delectable cheesecake on the occasion, but that isn’t technically what this post is about either.

This post deals with random preparation tips for cakes, and cheesecakes in particular, since I am your resident connoisseur of such things. (A silly little man who invites diabetes with open arms.)

In your hurry to sink your teeth into its deliciousness, DO NOT bake your cheesecake at a temperature greater than 170–200 °F. Just don’t[1]. When you’re baking a regular cake, as you know, you use a lot of flour. Now the gluten from the flour prevents the egg from coagulating, which is why it’s OK for you to bake at your usual 325–350 °F. If you do the same for your cheesecake, you’ll end up with scrambled egg interspersed in a cream-cheese matrix after baking; Not very appetising.

Now that you know, go on, impress the people around you with your newfound know-how.

While we’re at it, if you’re in the process of making a short cake dessert for your guests, why not impress them by coming up with your own homemade preserves/jams/jelly? All of these are basically the same thing with different fruit to fluid ratios, and they’re easy enough to do. Plus the women love things that are sweet!

Here’s what you do. Let’s suppose you’re making strawberry shortcake. After baking your base cake (or cheating with a bought out pound-cake), just chop up a bunch of strawberries and toss them into a bowl. Sprinkle generous amounts of sugar on them in the bowl, and leave it sit. After about half an hour, come back and toss them lightly to enjoy your juicy strawberry preserves to be poured on the cake! When poured, it will be soaked up into the cake nicely and look (not to mention taste) fabulous.

All you’re really doing is extracting water from the fruit using the sugar. Easy, and impressive!

Being the manly man that I am, I am chock-full of such useful information.

[1] Even though random sources on the web will tell you otherwise (they will adivice much higher temperatures and water baths). If you care at all about rich and smooth texture, you will listen to me.

This is a printer-friendly version of the journal entry “Ms. Stillaman’s cake tips” from actuality.log. Visit to read the original entry and follow any responses to it.

2 Responses to “Ms. Stillaman’s cake tips”

  1. J says:

    I can’t thank you enough for warning me!
    I was about to bake cheese cake at 199.9 degree F
    But then God was kind to me
    He said… “have you read Pundit’s post?”

    Thank GOD!

    My cheese cake tasted nothing like cheese cake.

  2. pundit says:

    I’m… sorry?… for boring you?

8,709,328 people conned into wasting their bandwidth.