I, apart from being a certified sociophobe, am also what you may call a phonophobe. As in, I don’t really make or receive telephone calls, and more amusingly (to you), I am extremely terrified by the prospect. Therefore, for the most part, my phone is just a $300 clock, and not a very good one at that.
Amazingly enough, for the first time in… forever, I looked at my phone this morning as something… more.
The reason for this sudden change of perspective? I spent all night on the phone with an old friend from college, and we got around to talking about all sorts of things. And I, as in I the one who really doesn’t care about what other people are up to because it “doesn’t really matter”, cannot believe how nice it feels to actually catch up with someone and get a glimpse into how their lives are at this point in time.
In the midst of all this, there was one thing that was said that’s still bothering me. She said something vaguely akin to, “If you didn’t find anyone you’re interested in so far (referring to undergrad) and you settle for some random person (referring to a random person in general, but more directed to someone of possibly not the same cultural background) now (as in so soon), it basically reflects the fact that you haven’t met too many people, and you’re selecting the first person you’ve taken the chance to know.”
I reiterate, this bothers me. Of course, I didn’t say anything about it because it seemed to make sense at the time (plus women are usually correct about these sorts of things, and everything else), but thinking about it, this reasoning is flawed (because it’s assuming something that isn’t entirely true). I’ve jotted down some rough dates on that napkin nearby, and it is quite clear I am going to spend more time in Ann Arbor than I have in any school or college so far. Definitely more than undergrad. Consequently, the chances for my spending maximum time with someone, and letting myself know them better is actually higher here than it has been anywhere else. Given this scenario, I don’t believe it’s alright for someone to assume, “Oh, poor guy, he just settled for someone after all these years of not knowing all these other people” because there is a good chance that’s not going to be true.
“He realized he liked someone because he spent more time with and got to know them better here, as he decided to spend eons in grad school”, will probably be my take on the whole scheme of things.
And no, I don’t particularly care if you agree.
weird – i don’t know if it’s because i’m a girl, but i get the opposite sort of comments from people. as in, i feel like they WANT me to settle, for whoever happens to come along.
although, by “people” i guess i mean relatives. parents especially. my friends don’t really make any such comments, probably because they know it’ll just annoy me.
but really all that matters is that YOU don’t feel like you’re settling.
(I blame computer issues for not having replied to this earlier.)
My problem here is not that people want/don’t want me to settle for whoever happens to come along. And I understand that all that matters is that I shouldn’t feel like it’s settling. It’s just, the thought that they’ve sort of concluded “He’s had his time/shot and blown it”, and anything I ever do they’re going to decree “He’s just doing whatever because he’s desperate”, really bothers me.
And the fact that it’s clearly quite untrue is almost secondary. I mean, given
a. The obvious loads of time in grad school.
b. I’m older
c. I make money and amn’t answerable to babysitters on my activities
…
this is not some minor portion of my life. This is a big, if not huge, clearly independent portion of my life.
And strangely enough (thankfully), my parents don’t say anything of this sort.