Thursday, November the 22nd, 2007

As if it even needs to be stated, I’m an extremely negative person. Sitting outside the doctor’s office last afternoon waiting for my test results, I was envisioning one horrible scenario after the next—complete with how I intended on breaking the news in this journal. After all, so much of my blood had been taken and subjected to such broad scrutiny, surely something horrible would crop up. And when it did, I’d be ready with my truly twisted take on things for the next day’s story.

But nothing did.

As she was reading out the charts and explaining to me what was going on, every one of my numbers—each characterising one of 20–25 different tests—landed smack in the middle of acceptable ranges for humans. It’s as if someone took an average of the highs and lows for each of these parameters and reported them as my score.

Fucking great.

I’m assuming I ought to be pleased by this outcome, but I’m not. Now I can’t even blame my state on… failing kidneys or something as dire. I guess it’s time to resort to Plan B: intense, mind-altering chemicals.

This is a printer-friendly version of the journal entry “The non-story so far” from actuality.log. Visit to read the original entry and follow any responses to it.

3 Responses to “The non-story so far”

  1. anita says:

    If you decide Plan B really isn’t for you, I’d suggest just taking a simple multi-vitamin. (if you aren’t already taking any) And also, a little bit of exercise.

    I’m no expert and I have no idea what your particular situation is, but I just find that these things help me a little…

  2. John says:

    I must say, multivitamins are definitely a reasonable route to take.

  3. pundit says:

    I’m doing the multi-vitamin and exercise route as well, along with Plan B.

    And I seem to be feeling a lot more positive.

8,938,064 people conned into wasting their bandwidth.