Tag: mom

I talked to my mama

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I talked to her for a long time. I explained to her that she caught me at a particularly low moment in my life when she called a couple of days ago, and apologised for not answering the phone then. I explained to her that things are a lot happier, and that whether I am happy or sad, I have people who care about me to communicate with what I am going through. I asked her for a lot of time to grow up, and to learn to recognise and appreciate when my life is good.

I don’t think she understood entirely, but I think she feels better about how I am doing.

The old lady syndrome

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I don’t know what I did to cause it—I sure as hell don’t lift heavy things—but I seem to have thrown my back. It’s been hurting like hell ever since I woke up last morning, and I’m having a hard time moving around. Or sitting. Or even lying down.

This wouldn’t be so bad if I had nowhere to be, but I’ve had a lot of itty-bitty things to take care of lately—like spending much of last morning in queues at the neighbouring U.S. embassy. Actually, it really wasn’t all that bad, it took less than a couple of hours in total—my back just made it seem a lot longer.

I was there applying for a visa to enter the States. I plan on spending some time at M.I.T. next month and later attending a cousin’s wedding in Georgia (I think). I’m pleased to report that there weren’t any problems or unpleasantries with the visa proceedings, and my travel plans are still on.

While I am in life news mode, I’d also like to report that my mom will be here in a couple of weeks, She plans on spending a few weeks in my home before heading off to the U.S. (separately, we’ll rejoin after my M.I.T. stint) to partake in the festivities of the aforementioned wedding. I need to make my home a tad more habitable (like buying a few chairs!) before she gets here, and figure out fun things to show her, but that’s not the direction I want to take this tale.

I gingerly broached the subject of her needing to draw as much enjoyment from this wedding as she could—for she wasn’t going to experience any of it at her own son’s. I’m nearly certain I’m not having a wedding wedding even if I ever were to get married, and she should have her fill of festivities elsewhere. At this point, I was expecting a disappointed tone on the other end of the phone, or at least a solemn talking-to—but nothing. Instead, she nonchalantly goes, “Oh, but I’ve always known that. You’ve been hinting ever since you were four that you felt weddings were a waste of time and money. And I tend to agree with you.”

I don’t know why people don’t believe me when I tell them I’ve always felt jaded and old.

Her unborn sister

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In the midst of a heart-to-heart, Cecille’s mother broke down and sobbingly admitted to her that she’d aborted Cecille’s unborn baby sister when Cecille was still a young girl. Now a grown woman, Cecille responded in the only way she knew fit — offer her mother some solace and quietly grieve the loss of a sister she never had.

Meanwhile, her sombre and supportive façade served to mask the only thought running through her head — I wish it were me instead.

All the facts

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“But do you feel she’s pretty?” I push on, knowing fully well I can’t implicitly trust her answer. My mother has this odd way of rating the attractiveness of women, and someone who’s a 9 in her eyes is realistically more like a 6. But I chose to ask anyway, for I’d decided to let such details factor into my life’s decisions.

You see, as slowly as things have been progressing, they’ve generally evolved positively and I now have few job options on hand—spanning Europe and the United States. I’ve even received official word from the Homeland Security-types that I am not evil and can legally pursue employment in this country.

But even so, my life has been relatively stagnant. The sticking point seems to be nothing in particular other than me circumspectly dragging my feet—hoping to carefully evaluate the pros and cons of every one of these opportunities, so as to make the one true right decision™.

Incorrectly reading this to be depression-driven sluggishness, my mother occasionally tries to help out by stepping in and helping with an other entirely different problem—mate selection. Not wanting to really exert herself however, she sticks to her tiny, close-knit grapevine and attempts to casually bring up in passing conversation her friends’ nieces and daughters. And since my work search is rather wide, geographically, there are times when it snags one of these women as well. At which point I push her for details, for I am evil like that.

Hey, if you’re going through so much rigour to make the one true right decision™, you might as well work all the angles with all the facts, right?

Enter, stage left

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I woke up today to a message on my phone.
From my mother.
Telling me she’s going to be turning up here on Thursday.
Yes, Thursday.

Since then, I’ve begun to freak out and have frantically been attempting to sort out my dwelling environment and my life. I don’t really know why though, I’m going to fall short of her unrealistic standards anyway.

This entry was pushed through outside the regular chronology because it contains breaking news. You probably don’t know this, but the way this journal works is that everything first begins with daily tidbits on scraps of paper forming a physical journal. Under normal circumstances, portions of these scribbles are transcribed, polished upon or expanded into the entries you see here.

As you’ve realised, I haven’t been transferring anything from paper of late, and working through the regular chronology wouldn’t have allowed for this entry to show up in a timely manner.

Never to fear, there is more life news that exists on paper which will make it up here, and I don’t intend on falling from my on-average ten posts per month frequency.

Marriages — Moms’ eye view

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Not so recent background: I was talking to my mom when I was back home about “marriage and stuff”. By which I mean I was mentioning classmates getting married and what not. That slowly led to a lot of “stuff” that’s not really pertinent to the discussion here. Anyhoo, that ended with her vehemently declaring 23 is too young to get married, and I sat through her rather long spiel. OK, so no one’s in any real hurry now, are they?

Recent background: A few days ago, I get an e-mail from her telling me my oldest friend is getting married. Now, this friend’s mom is one of my mom’s best friends. The kicker here is, my friend’s 23.

Hilarity ensues.

Excerpts from a conversation with her today:

I say:

now, regarding d’s marriage, what happened to the 23-is-too-young mindset now?

mom says:

i think the guy’s parents put a lot of pressure and even now these people don’t know how they were talked into it.

mom says:

engagement should take place this sunday.

I say:

that’s easily one of the dumbest excuses i’ve heard

I say:

anyway, just wanted to tell you that’s the real world. not 23-is-too-young

mom says:

ok.got it

mom says:

i guess when they thought about the whole thing,they had no reason for not proceeding

mom says:

apparently heard decent stuff about the boy and all that

I say:

except of course her education, career opportunities, time to try and do fun things, gather life experience etc.

mom says:

right

…

mom says:

things happen all the time wahgnube,and some decisions change.That cannot be helped

I say:

then you must not sound hell bent otherwise until 20 seconds prior

I say:

people need to learn to make up their minds and be consistent

mom says:

ok.

I say:

and further more, i remove your ‘they’re so young’ saying rights when i mention classmates of mine are / are getting married

mom says:

ok.

mom says:

i only meant as in boys and not girls

I say:

that’s even stupider sounding

I say:

because we’re less responsible, immature and incapable?

mom says:

not you,but most boys may not be capable of handling family responsibilities at 23-24

mom says:

thats all.But there are exceptions

I say:

that’s besides the point. you cannot have double standards. what sort of example, as a parent, are you setting for your son?

mom says:

generally it takes a boy in this part of the world around 26-27 to gethis footing in life

mom says:

no double standards wahgnube.

I say:

ergo it’s ok for a woman to get married whenever, but it isn’t for men. you encourage men to be doctors and woman to marry them? hah

I say:

i love the way i worded that

mom says:

then again,if i had a daughter i might have got her married at 23-24.who knows?

I say:

that’s going to be my catchphrase that owns all catchphrases for this sort of discussion with anyone, ever

mom says:

i can see that

…

mom says:

are you in a frame of mind to settling down in life(as in having a family etc)?

I say:

no, but that’s not the point is it?

mom says:

exactly the point.Different people are different

I say:

the point is you will somehow magically decide i am not ready even if i felt i was

I say:

but if i were a woman you’d say ok, fine

mom says:

i wil not.Even if i was given the slightest inkling of your need to settle down,i will be the first one to go with it

I say:

i am just having a blast because just two weeks prior you were telling me how young everyone is and now this happens

I say:

and you’re apparently totally ok with this, but not with anything else

…

I say:

point in all of this being, this is how the world seems to work.

mom says:

i get the picture

I say:

and it is surprising i’ve noticed some things regarding its functioning that other people miss

I say:

which is a very very rare occurrence i might add

mom says:

nobody attaches so much importance to each and every occurrence

I say:

i do, because this is a big deal, and this is so anti how you sounded a short while ago.

mom says:

hey,i am not anti-marriage

I say:

who said anti marriage? i said anti 23 year olds getting married

mom says:

right.i stand corrected

I say:

and i am patenting my “encourage men to be doctors and women to marry them” quote

I say:

it will go down in the annals of history as one of the most brilliantly articulate takes on what’s so blatantly obvious

mom says:

ok.time for a change of topic, now

I’m going to hell, aren’t I?