Though the last post started-off as some April fool’s joke gone totally wrong, I realised that it felt so much nicer to write free-form and not have to worry about things like sanitising language for fear of offending the prudes. Every attempt I’ve made since then to post an entry on this journal has seemed so… contrived and artificial in comparison. I’ve ended up scrapping them all as a result—much to the disappointment of most frequent visitors, I know.
I’ve realised that I do want to talk about far more mature topics (hey, I’m an aged man, that’s what we do)—in language that I feel fits my frame of mind. I am thinking of an elegant way of letting people know that this journal is for mature audiences only. I don’t want to cower behind pseudo-pseudonyms or have to constantly dream up fancy euphemisms and analogies. I just want to pick a topic that’s on my mind, and say it as it is.
To this end, I’ve been looking up stuff from my host to see how to move my domain name behind private registration—so you can’t just “do a WHOIS” and end up on my doorstep. But then again, it’s not really lack of anonymity that’s preventing anything. It’s more like I have this personal filter. It’s like, I’m always thoughtful and sensitive—or at least always seem so and am construed to be—so now I’ve begun to truncate any feeling or thought whose expression would paint me in a different light.
I wonder why this is so; it’s not like anyone is judging me. It’s not like anyone even cares.