Can you hear me?
Being omniscient and all, you know this recently arrived in my inbox.
Please don’t think that this is just another mail to your inbox. I honestly …
<snip>irrelevant but very positive details inside</snip>
Thanks for your invaluable help (once again!).
The next time someone wants to tell me something like this, please let them do it in person.
Please let it be a ‘her’.
Please let her be moderately attractive.
Please let her be willing to stick around in grad school for more than a year and a half.
When she’s doing this, please let me be gracious and warm and not stammer or attempt thoughtless humour or in any other way embarrass myself.
Please, god.
I don’t ask for much, and I spend so much time carefully helping so many people in ways I know you would find thoughtful.
You owe me.