Try this. Next time you’re, say, in the shower don’t think of, say, Eskimos, and I’ll give you this big bag of money. Yes, Eskimos. Just don’t think of them. Anything but, you heard me, ESKIMOS.
I know it’s hard and I doubt you can do it. That’s kinda sorta been the story of my weekend. I’ve tried so fishing hard to be normal. I’ve tried so hard to just sit down and enjoy a movie. To forget sad events attached to movies. To be able to watch 30s of the film without this pang of emotion shooting through me… and for what? Shouldn’t I have forgotten by now? They obviously mean very little in the grand scheme of things. What is wrong with me?
And I tried it both ways, a Moulin Rouge DVD last evening (my favorite musical, though I haven’t seen too many movie musicals, I admit) and Mystic River in the theater earlier today. It was a very good movie, extremely serious, dark (and hence sad) with everyone acting very well (Tim Robbins especially). Quite interestingly, they all spoke without pronouncing their ‘R’s’. “The goils aww wather late awwent they?” – Kinda like a cross between Elmer Fudd and a Mafia guy from Italy (or wherever else these types are generically assumed to spring from). It screamed Massachusetts before it was made clear where the story was set. It’s just your usual story formula – evil child molestation ruining childhood (and hence life), coupled with hot woman dying, a whole lot of (well reasoned out) violence, and obviously a generous dose of sadness. It was very disturbing, but was brilliantly portrayed, if that’s how one has to put a positive spin on these sorts of things. Movie goers apparently want more reality in the movies. Not fantasy. These people should just see more of the news. Just what is wrong with happy endings? Why couldn’t that be real?
But a movie review wasn’t where I wanted to go with this. It’s this need to rid myself of senseless emotion. After a point I begin to wonder whether it’s the sad thoughts I have attached to the events that is bothering me, or whether it’s the extreme effort taken to forget them running behind “normalcy”. It’s pretty messed up. I hate being this way.
NP. All Saints – Saints and Sinners
(Yes, that’s right. The girl band. I do things when no one is looking you know.)