Questions we all have – 2

You probably want to read part 1 of this monologue.

» What is the appropriate course of action when you accidently walk in on a “patron of the pornographic arts” really into what they’re watching?

This is probably a trick question. I mean, is there even a possibility that an appropriate course of action exists? Will something like, “Oh, I’m sorry, didn’t realize you were busy. I’ll umm… get back later… probably never.” cover it?

I don’t think so.

» What really is a woman’s take on the whole “getting stared at by a man” thing? I don’t even mean in a creepy-stalkery way. I just mean an involuntary reflex that’s more along the lines of adoration and admiration of a thing of beauty. All men do it, can’t help it, and don’t even really mean anything by it.

So just what is the woman’s take? Is it creepy and scary? Or could it possibly be conceived as some raw, unpolished, compliment.

» Do the mythical people you’d actually feel comfortable laughing about your insecurities with exist?

I mean, just this other day I said something stupid (I thought I was being super smooth, of course) and the woman goes “Oh, you must be a very sexual person”. And I, having an incessant need to complete her sentence, in my driest sarcastic voice go, “Yeah, either that or I’m twenty odd year old, exceptionally inexperienced, and extremely sexually frustrated.”

Needless to say, there were many awkward silences post that. Wouldn’t it be nice if you found someone who you could laugh with about these sorts of things?

» Honestly, how high does “being a good provider” fall on the checklist of things women probably look for in a mate?

Come on, you can go right ahead and say it — “Provider? Hah! It’s OK if you bum off me and live in a trailer if you look half as good as Brad Pitt”.

That’s it, isn’t it?