Sunday, January the 1st, 2006

In response to my earlier post on lacking companionship, I received this via e-mail; from this talented woman.

hey…i remembered this fwd when i was reading your lacking companionship post. Girls whose eyes light up when they talk to you(and the rest), may not be otherwise engaged. Half the time they’re lamenting how correct this is/seems:

1. The nice men are ugly.
2. The handsome men are not nice.
3. The handsome and nice men are gay.
4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money, think we are only after their money.
7. The handsome men without money are after our money.
8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don’t think we are beautiful enough.
9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.
10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and, thank God, are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!
11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.


Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you’d like to have dinner with.

It’s by the grace of God that we live!!!!

Honestly, I’m somewhere between 8 & 11, depending on my mood, and the ambient lighting.

Need more detail? Here you go:
8—Sometimes you just don’t find her attractive. It’s not a crime. What is a crime is the way men handle it. We (at least I) can never tell that straight to a woman. So we (I) will concoct numerous (even if implausible) stories and weasel our way out; somehow always breaking her heart.
9—We aren’t being cowards. Sometimes, when you are attractive, in a waaay-out-of-our-league way, we just save you the trouble of having to shoot us down by shooting ourselves down. It’s not a crime, it’s a defence mechanism.
10—Same as 9.
11—This is weird, but only because it’s partially true. If a random hot woman makes the first move on us (us, of all people), she has to have some issue. And I can do better than a woman who’d want me. (Of course?) I lose interest.


But these admissions are not why I put this up. The reason I’m putting this up here is to get feedback from the women in the audience. Are these the sorts of things that run through your minds? Does this mean, hypothetically, that if the guy is nice, somewhat-handsome, somewhat-brave, heterosexual, somewhat-rich, thinks you’re beautiful, doesn’t think you’re after his money, won’t be threatened by you making the first move—you’ll make the first move?

Men can chime in too. But your words will be gleefully ignored.

This is a printer-friendly version of the journal entry “Stolen from e-mail” from actuality.log. Visit to read the original entry and follow any responses to it.

8 Responses to “Stolen from e-mail”

  1. J says:

    I’d like to think it’s 9.
    Why else would he turn ME down?

  2. pundit says:

    Honestly, it’s almost always 9. Not in the sense of coward per se, but in the sense that I explain it to myself.

  3. Joni says:

    Yep. She’s right. When I was in high school, I had this big crush on a guy. Me and my long suffering girl friend would have to walk past his science lab to get to our math class. He and his friend were always leaning up against the doorjamb as we walked by. I always walked by with my fingers dug into my friend’s arm, eyes cast downward, asking her under my breath, “Is he there? Is he looking? TELL ME!!!!”

    I agonized over making that walk every single day. My hair and makeup had to be perfect, outfit perfect, I had to look like an absolute dish. Then, I found out that he liked me! He . Liked. Me. HE LIKED ME! Ugh! From that moment on, I was nothing less than repulsed by him. Go figure!

  4. pundit says:

    I can empathize with your sentiment (though, I honestly don’t really understand why). It’s just, when I concurred with 11, I was sort of referring to a generic—albeit hot—stranger. Not someone who I’d fancied from afar for a while.

    I’d like to think I’d be elated if I found out someone like that liked me too. But hey, you never know.

  5. anonymiss says:

    9 it seems to be, ladies!

    And the thing about losing interest in someone who shows interest in you…I think that’s the lure-of-the-unattainable syndrome…if someone’s out of your league…you kinda enjoy the whole chasing thing…and maybe even get turned on if he/she plays hard-to-get. The irony of it all! *sigh*

    ||Does this mean, hypothetically, that if the guy is nice, somewhat-handsome, somewhat-brave, heterosexual, somewhat-rich, thinks you’re beautiful, doesn’t think you’re after his money, won’t be threatened by you making the first move—you’ll make the first move?||
    If he’s somewhat brave, maybe he would have already stepped up and done the needful…and I can’t but seem to think that #11 would play a role in the whole thing…

  6. pundit says:

    I know, the irony of it all!

    My question was, if he didn’t step up (for whatever reason), would you do the needful? I understand that society sort of expects the guy to make the first move (Oh why god, why?), but suppose you really deemed him a catch, and he didn’t approach you, would you step up?

    I am willing to accept that women are superior in every respect. What’s the big deal in taking a leading role here?Why is it that in certain situations, it’s assumed that men ought to take the initiative or they’re immediately deemed cowards?

  7. anonymiss says:

    Call it social conditioning, or call me old-fashioned, but I really doubt I would make the first move…maybe an indirect, subtle hint here and there…but not a direct let’s-go-for-it type of a move. Some of it has to with personality as well…
    And I speak only for myself here.

    The games people play!!

    And yes, we ARE superior :P

    These people might give you some insight, albeit superficial.

  8. pundit says:

    I’ve read that book! And since it’s based on the coolest show ever, it has to be the gospel truth (and totally not superficial). I don’t ever doubt or argue the women superior[A] bit, and actively try to straighten out my male friends who don’t see the light.

    And I just think it’s sort of strange that if the woman wants me and doesn’t make a move, it’s OK because she’s socially conditioned to be that way, or she’s old-fashioned, or that’s her personality type, … . But if she fancies me, and I don’t make the first move, I’m the coward.

    Doesn’t that sound like a just a teeny bit of pressure to you? Recall [A], we’re really not that bright or perceptive usually.

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