Sunday, May the 14th, 2006

Where were we before we were rudely interrupted by that post about Jack? Ah yes, we were discussing the new-found joys of spring. Where, by “discussing,” I mean little more than you putting up with my monologue. Anyway, I’ve just gotten so caught-up with the whole number-of-parts naming scheme being used lately, that it’s apparent to me that I’ve gone a little overboard. A more appropriate title for today’s post would be “The sorrows of spring,” or something. But then I wouldn’t be able to say that this is post II of II now, would I? And then where’s the fun?

Like I was saying, the town is rather deserted right now and this has resulted in a change of neighbours for me; a change that’s hopefully temporary. Granted, I acknowledge the fact that these guys sing rather well (and trust me, I’m a pretty scathing critic), but it’s just that they’re so fucking loud! I mean, come on, I’m sure I can “out-sing” you guys, but you don’t hear me broadcasting that over the apartment complex on a daily basis now, do you?

Actually, I don’t think it’s the fact that they’re loud is what is bothering me; it’s that they’re brash. They’re brash in the flashy sort of way that frat boys are to win over insecure sorority girls. Unfortunately for me—now on levels other than inaccessibility to an environment that encourages rampant promiscuity and abuse of substances—I am not a member of their target audience.

So please, shut the fuck up.

Returning to more positive material, one of the more pleasant things that spring brings is the opportunity to open my windows. Yes, the same ones that are shut for over 8 months of the year in some misguided attempt to conserve a modicum of warmth in my dwelling.

At least, this sounds pleasant, on paper.

During my first few days of owning my new computer, I was going through it with a fine-toothed comb trying to make sure there was nothing wrong with it. You know, the standard sorts of things obsessive-compulsive geeks do. During the festitivites, there was an annoying recurring chirp that annoyed the hell out of me. Beginning to get worried that there might be something seriously wrong with it, I began to run my ear all over it, trying to figure out the source of the chirp. But I couldn’t find it.

Then I had the sense to shut it off.

It turns out that the chirp was emanating from elsewhere. From my kitchen—a kitchenette if you’re going to be overly pedantic about it—to be exact. Oh joy! It turns out that the new open-window policy had resulted in being intruded upon by a family of grasshoppers. Ones who, no doubt, like to sing together too! After I finally plucked up the courage (yes, I’m a wuss; sue me) and concoted a plan, I slowly and gently showed them the way out, one at a time without hurting them (I think). Though I couldn’t help but shudder when the last one out gave me a look of utter disgust; like as if I’d killed the others and she wasn’t very happy about it or something.

We’ll deal with her wrath later. At least my computer doesn’t chirp annoyingly anymore.

Afterword: If you’re sitting there scratching your head wondering what’s going on, don’t be perturbed. I decided to go old-school and sort of reverted to a style more attuned to the original purpose of this journal—chronicling my life. And the reason I did this was this review; which reminded me of the old times.

In the end, I think this series came out more of a hybrid: Chronicling my life—with punchlines! Forget the external, objective reviewers, what say you, loyal reader?

This is a printer-friendly version of the journal entry “The joys of spring – II/II” from actuality.log. Visit to read the original entry and follow any responses to it.

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