Next major event

Like clockwork, my life over the past few years has been a steady sequence of steps leading up to the next major event. The next major intellectual hurdle, the next major trip, the next major purchase … . Not breaking the pattern, I’ve decided what I really want next: A British Racing green Mini Cooper-S. (PDF with pictures of the car, attached goodies and pricing.)

Unlike my father, I don’t enjoy recurring expenses. I really prefer paying in huge lump sums. So extreme financing whereby I pay a tiny amount initially and keep paying a sum per month for many months thereafter is not an option. I plan on saving up for it and paying for a bulk of it at the point of purchase. Since our earlier checklist worked so well, I’ve devised a more colourful scheme for announcing my progress toward the goal on this web log. Tadaaa.

My MiniCooper-S Thermometer

For those with negative energy in the audience, I know, sure the average grad student doesn’t want to wait eons and rather goes in for a 2nd-hand rusty bucket of bolts.

I am not your average grad student.

Squandered Opportunities

(That’s oppOrtunities for you Northies in the audience. Sorry, just HAD to throw that in there.)

Something has happened to my computer. It has, for a while now, been surprisingly smooth, slick, responsive and just a joy to work with. Also, recently, I’ve somehow magically gained the ability to “just touch type”. As in, there is no real delay between thinking of something and it showing up on my screen. As a result of this, it will take a while before I return to carefully worded, checked, rechecked and refined posts. This is just a stream of consciousness that follows. It will be raw, there will be redundancy, and parts of it won’t make too much sense as they weren’t dreamt up for public consumption.

I was at this workshop yesterday, and as usual, they had a sign-up sheet to keep tabs on how many people showed up. One of the columns on this sheet was which year of grad school I was in. Without really thinking, I was about to jot down 2, when it hit me really hard, I wasn’t in my first or second year anymore, I was in my FOURTH.

Or, in more dramatic terms, NEARING HALF A DECADE.

If you really keep track of these things, by the time I am done here, this would probably be the most time I have spent at a given educational institution. Over 20% of my life up to this point. 100% of my adult life.

Now, if you’re going to spend an awful lot of time in school, you probably should learn a lot that translates into making you a better person in real life. There was never really a concern as to whether I was book smart. Really, I can tell you right now as I could when I was old enough to speak, “there are numerous branches of knowledge where I will know more than you with very little effort, and that’s just the way it will be”. But you know what that translates to in reality?… that I can be playing Viewtiful Joe 2 through the night up to a couple of hours before a test, not really prep, and still get a better score. That’s about it. Sure, that looks good on paper, but in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t mean much. All years of school has given me is the notion that I am not stupid, and that I am smart enough to pull off whatever I need to get by in an academic setting within any time frame, however impossible the odds might seem to you.

Again, none of this translates in the real world to anything. During the time I’ve spent from pre-kindergarten through getting a PhD (again, quantitatively, that’s over 90% of my entire life, and all my adult life), I probably should have been through numerous non-intellectual-life situations and been trained to handle them. Handling interpersonal relationships of various sorts, teamwork, members of the opposite sex, stress, the ability to deal gracefully with defeat, to be a gracious winner, to not be a social outcaste, to realize that I am not just a lone speck but one in a continuum and that the entire neighbourhood about a point is what matters.

I’ve learnt none of this, nor picked up any of these skills in the number of years I’ve been in school. I’ve squandered numerous chances and continue to do so. I’m still remarkably emotionally stunted, socially stunted, physically stunted, and continue to ride through my life only on the belief that I am intelligent enough to make it (read, con my way) through. I don’t deal with loss (for obvious reasons), I don’t know how to deal with groups of people, I don’t even know how to deal with A person. I’ve resorted to doing things a certain way—initially because I felt I needed no one else to get anywhere, and later because I had no one else.

My skill-set (gained?) after all this time is the ability to bear insane levels of stress (yes, more than you) and not-work-toward and ace tests.

But life isn’t a test. At least not of this kind. No one really cares if you can see relations and deduce laws governing the functioning of the universe. It doesn’t mean squat when you can’t be a caring, communicative, compassionate, empathising… human being. I often harp on sciences being hard. I only do this to con the lay person into believing I’m so much smarter than them because I do this and they don’t. They’re really not that bad. At least here, once you’ve crossed the initial hurdles involving figuring out the language of the field and agreeing with the basic principles, you can build with surprising ease and precision. There are many bigger things. Things which “just are”, and can’t be articulated easily. They’re concepts which can’t even be comprehended easily. Now those are genuinely hard. And it’s there that I need but haven’t a clue.

I hate to admit I think it’s all been a waste, and that my narrow skill set isn’t nearly enough. Sure, my most important critic might say (about some recent written words of mine): “You’re such a marvellous writer. You manage to sneak in every little ingredient—poignancy and humor, insight and cogency”, but that doesn’t translate into her ending up with me in life—nor in my arms, even for an evening.

Of course, it doesn’t help to be insanely (nit)pickey. And have the potential to scale the smallest nearly imperceptible imperfection in someone to gargantuan proportions when that’s all that you can see. (As in, OH MY GOD, the angle between her feet when she walks, she’s a living Charlie Chaplin I tell you!)

Filler post while I organise my thoughts

I’m currently working on a bunch of ideas I am trying to write up. It is just as hard to get out of random-writing-mode and into technical-writing-mode as it is transitioning the other way around. While we wait for this change however, here is something I wrote elsewhere in response to “Why don’t (more) Tamilians learn Tamil?”

[Establishing POV: I am Tamil, as in technically, but didn’t learn it as my second language in school either. I can’t write it, and can read about half the character set (which I figured out by matching English words and their corresponding Tamil script on bus route names). Which means I can inaccurately “read Tamil” by somewhat-crude interpolation and guesswork. I think I speak rather well in Tamil, and it’s definitely not accented (as in the parent had an issue with the “Anglicized-Tamil” the weather lady in the news used to use).]

Firstly, the anglicized accent (and other kinds as well) irritates me profusely, as it does my parents and grandparents. So I don’t think it is an age/generation issue. I am not even sure people think it “sounds cool”. I am tempted to believe people do care, but don’t care enough to force the weather girl to change.

Now to answer your question, at least as to why I didn’t learn Tamil

The ability to learn and use languages, just like anything else, comes in varying levels of difficulty to different people. Personally, I’ve found it extremely hard to pick up languages, so I’ve just chosen one that’s worked and stuck with it — English. I don’t intend on learning a language just to “preserve culture”. I am simplifying languages down to “just a medium to express ideas”, and as long as I can make do with one, one is all I will know.

Also, I think the important aspect of this is what you eluded to — what language do you “think” in. I think in English, and my inability to “easily learn” other languages, has pushed me away from learning something I’ve internally thought of as redundant, including my “native” tongue.

I am not proud of it; I see it as a choice necessitated by an impediment.

Life meter

Related to the previous post.

UPDATE: Since one flaw was found so soon, I decided it couldn’t hurt to upload the current draft while I go start on the slides. If anyone else finds typos, please let me know. You’re awesome.

In order to make it easy for the nearly-illiterate to grasp the magnitude of the tasks ahead and to follow my progress, here is a small checklist. The tasks marked with an ‘X’ have been completed. The tasks marked with a ‘D’ aren’t really done, but I’ve decreed they’re done enough.

[X] Form committee
[D] Get committee OKed by even higher-ups
[D] Come up with ideas worth defending and write them up
[X] Figure out a time when everyone is free and get them in a room for a few hours
[X] Find a vacant room (with a projector and what not) and book it for those few hours
[D] Prepare the (and for the) talk
[X] Actually defend said ideas to said OKed committee in said room at said time
[X] Handle resulting administrivia

And I have 0 days to go. This post will be dynamically updated as the status of these events change.

Update:
I really am working. For instance, check out development from concept to near-finished product.

This
Evolution of the document.
morphs to
Evolution of the document..

Unrelated Update: A “Shaky version” of the Revolution controller teaser (in case you were wondering if I’d lost touch with the world because of trying to work). From some points of view, it looks like my old NES controller. And some of its functionality reminds me of my Zapper—which looked cool even though it was bright orange in colour.

Work and I

Within the next 8 days, I have to go from a being a boy without a committee, a formal research proposal, a date to defend said proposal to one with all of the above and actually defend the plan of action. Will I pull it off? I don’t have a choice, and I’ve been working on fixing the issue. See, for e.g., Figure 1.

My desktop showing signs of legit work.
Figure 1.

Which means creative impulses will take a hit for a short bit.

Ah, who am I kidding<edit>?</edit>

Barter-able

I’d been thinking of this just recently and I got the following e-mail in my inbox this morning (names changed for privacy).

What’s up everyone!? The athletic department is looking for physics tutors willing to help out student-athletes. The pay is $10.00/hr with an opportunity to work M-Th, 7:30-9:30pm down on central campus at athletic study halls (you don’t have to work all four nights).

I’ve done it the past few years and think its a pretty good experience — you get to help people out, get some teaching experience, and get extra money for the bar/movies/etc.

Please e-mail the tutor coordinator Jenny for more information.

Suzi

To which I promptly respond.

Of course, the obvious question is can this be done for free? Or, actually, have a student-athlete type help clue one in on nutrition/physical conditioning while they get tutored in physics?

Me

Will our unfit geek finally be motivated by some (potentially eye-catching) athlete to be a little less unfit? Will symbiosis, humiliation or the yearning to show off succeed where all else’s failed?

Stay tuned to this channel to find out.

Stop it, god damn it

I know this is going to piss off a lot of people, but I absolutely hate (East) Asian people with (made up) Christian first names. You know, you’re on e-mail or whatever and they sign off “Jenny” and you’re like, cool, she sounds nice enough.

Then you see them in person some 3 weeks later.

They’re actually a “Guan” or someother mono-syllable yet unpronouncable thing and don’t really know too many English words.

It’s fucking annoying. Don’t do it.

(Aforementioned names were made up. You know, privacy and such.)

Yellow matter custard…

dripping from a dead dog’s eye[1].

I didn’t talk about this earlier because I was concerned about coming off as a heartless prick. Now I’ve come to the conclusion it doesn’t matter how I sound. I will follow the herd and do what so many other people in this country do each day, confuse “freedom of speech” with the ability to say whatever they want, whenever they want, at whosever’s expense.

It is probably prudent, however, that I begin with this warning. This post is potentially racist, insensitive and proceeds to kick people who’re already down, as Eric Cartman oft eloquently puts it, “squa’ in the nuts”.

If you don’t want to read this sort of thing, don’t.

In the aftermath of the recent hurricane “Katrina” (like giving it a euphonious woman’s name makes a natural disaster more palatable), I heard numerous reporters look at the horrible state of affairs and exclaim “We’re not Somalia or some third world country damn it, we’re America”.

Honestly, from the footage and reports I saw, it wasn’t apparent. Shops and homes being mercilessly looted, children and adults being raped, they being shot at and killed, needy elderly and babies dying from lack of help, people starving to death in piles of their own waste. For a casual observer, this might just as well have been Somalia[2]—a Somalia where it is easy for people to break into hardware stores and steal firearms.

I’ll make two separate statements now, and you connect them in any way you want.

1. Almost every single person you see in the dilapidated condition described above is black.
2. When I was in Louisiana earlier this summer, I couldn’t help but notice how—and I kid you not—EVERY SINGLE person below a certain socio-economic standard was black.

People in this country cringe every time they hear the word “communism”. This, my dearies, is a direct consequence of your beloved capitalism, unintelligently coupled with remnants of the effects of years of racism. You have a clear (and growing) dichotomy, you proceed to encourage it with your tax cuts for the rich and the wars draining billions from cash starved job training, health and education programmes.

And this is what you get. An intelligent warning system after tons of somewhat-accurate numerical simulations perhaps, but people too poor to have access to means to get out in time. Said people devastated and driven to desperation by natural forces, and then what? Your free-access-to-guns policies result in these people breaking into hardware stores and stealing weapons.

Couple this with the woefully slow response, the pace of which is incorrectly attributed to the fact that the afflicted people are black, but is really due to this country’s incompetence and policies—like the much famed war occupying most of the troops’ attention.

Rampant anarchy and lawlessness is sure to ensue.

And it’s all poor people. Almost all black.

You made them that way. These people may be criminals, but your society set the stage for their crimes.

Peeves follow:

1. My country is very poor, and it sees its fair share of natural disasters on a regular basis. But you know what? At least people don’t resort to stealing weapons and helping themselves to other people’s property. They—people who weren’t EVEN WARNED of events on much larger scale, like a large Tsunami—don’t get angered by authorities trying to help them.

Shooting at helicopters trying to rush to your aid? Whatever your current condition, you have no fucking right to be angry at those who are trying to give you a helping hand. If I were a paramedic or whatever trying to help a group, and they shot at my craft, I would most vehemently let them all die.

Ungrateful maniacs.

2. Oh, media people, just don’t use words like “spectacular” for describing the scale of horrifying events. Learn to use a thesaurus and pick similar words, but with negative connotations. How about, say, cataclysmic?

3. Why the fuck is ICE so important? We gave these people food, and water, AND ICE. Why?

4. And why doesn’t anybody get that none of this has anything to do with being an advanced nation or a third world nation? Or race? The only cause is that people, in general, take things for granted and don’t think forward enough. All goals are short term. All topics are short lived.

Just watch, 6 months or so down the line, none of these events will seem all that important, at least to the rest of us, and we will go back to building our easy-to-break levee systems.

[1] Lyrics stolen from The Beatles’ “I Am The Walrus” from their album “Magical Mystery Tour”.
[2] Not that I’m implying this is how I imagine Somalia to be. You know what I mean.