Same old, same old

After years of torture and abuse, my computer is now officially “quite fucked up”. It barely stays on for a few minutes in the freak chance that it does come on. Time to dump it and start afresh I think.

Happy, or whatever sentiment, new year.

I keep trying to put my finger on what exactly my problem is, but the more time I spend pondering, the farther I really feel from the answer. No matter, since it’s that time of year, I’m going to stop feeling sorry for myself and chart out a few concrete steps to dig me out of the hole that is my life. I know we go through this year after year, and that it rarely does any good, but this time I’m going to define some clear, quantitative goals. At least this way I’ll have a clear metric of success, or failure.

Most of the following centers around returning to feeling good about how I look; as in marketability.

1. Drop my body mass back down to a comfortable 2⁶ kg, and fit nicely (as in not uncomfortably snug) into my fabulous 2⁵ inch waist khakis.
2. Make sure this involves a reduction of body fat down to 2³% (or whatever is healthy, I don’t really know) after I figure out how this is measured.
3. Do all this via exercise, not extreme diet control like always. In this process, build enough muscle strength to be able to lift up to 2⁷ lb. And if you weigh more than that, you probably have to give up on the idea of being whisked away by anyone.
4. Ditch the hippy-geek wardrobe and move onward to something semi-casual, but don’t overdo it, like corporate drones.
5. Do as (one of my favourite comedians) Wendy Liebman says, “Fix a (hair) do, and the rest will automatically follow”. This is also related to losing the bohemian look. Proceed to do the same for facial hair (as in shave more than once in two weeks) and body hair.
6. Speaking of hair, work on figuring out the difference between “chestnut with auburn highlights”, and “brown”.
7. Form and expand a social circle. As in, make (and be) at least 2⁰ good friend.
8. Take at least 2³ warm, vivid, candid photographs featuring people. Bonus points for snaring a model in the process.
9. And yes, go fucking over my allotted phone minutes at least once. Bonus points for doing this while yakking with an attractive person.
10. Make some more serious headway into general relativity theory; as in, free my mind.
11. Earnestly work toward getting some cool stuff written up, and generally make moves toward a financially well-endowed future. Because having a lot of money makes you sexier.
12. No more joking about random things that make potential mates queasy, unless I really want someone’s genitalia in my body. (OK, no more, starting now.)

Now all I have to do is sit back, relax, and will these things into reality.