Category: General

Kidding. Just been too lazy to document my boring days.

Update:

Or something like that. It does go to something like 40 degrees at night at times, but for the most part it is bright and warm outside. (Well, relatively, anyway.)

I’ve been going to Rackham to catch up on some much needed reading. The peace and quiet offered by the facility is quite awesome. And before I forget, the purpose of this post was to plug the new photo album.

It’s got tons of pretty pictures.
You know you want to see it.

aggreg8 is actually beginning to fall in place.

Woohoo!

Music today is not always nice and happy. Never go to sleep with one angry song looping over and over again. You’ll feel horrid and mean when you wake after a few hours. I feel so bitter right now. Then again, what is the deal with this arbitrary shutting down and going to sleep at my desk anyway? Sheesh.

Just a short while ago, I was this weird outcast guy. I was so different from everyone else, they warned their kids not to get too close to me? Random people who amount to nobodies in this world judged my behavioural patterns. “Ohh, who does he think he is to not hang out at the ‘desi hangouts’ all the time ?” or “So who does he think he is to have shoulder length hair?” … Just a whole lot of arbitrary crap, for no real reason. Some people do things differently from the “conformant mindless drones”. I am one of those people, and I’m very proud of it. And I am quite capable of dealing with (consequent?) nonsense from other people.

For some reason, I remembered the much famed “Our paradoxical world” slide show. (Ahh, the joys of misbehaving mouse drawn art.)

Anyway, today there was this social mixer (yes, I went) sort of thing where I ran into a lot of people. Ahh yes, how they come groveling to me when they need something. It’s the same people who felt they were cool enough to judge me or what I do, without even getting to know me as a person a short while ago.

(As an aside, I have no qualms about people judging people, people with prejudices, people with biased opinions of different sorts… I mean, everyone has a lot of all of that and more. It is how much you let it affect your rational decisions and how much of it you show through your actions that has to be moderated. If you’re smarter than me, by all means, think me dumb. Just, not otherwise. And don’t tell me anything of the sort, because it isn’t very polite.

I won’t either.)

What is this about? Around this time, the people stopping with their masters degrees are finishing up (yes, a term after some other people). And with the brilliant job scene (extreme sarcasm), only a handful of them have some hope of finding some sort of work. Somehow, they get to know things like I have relatives who head research in large companies. Now, they’re all “Hey (insert an equivalent word to ‘friend’ here), how are you. Blah blah. Blah Blah.” I am like hmm, “Do I know you? What the fish do you care?”, this doesn’t seem normal, where’s the catch. And then it comes. “So could you please put in a word for me”, “forward my resumé”, “get me in touch with him/her”…. and a lot of other such similar things using different words, but boiling down to the same thing – Please help me.

Hahah. Firstly, I’m saddened by their stupidity in assuming my word has any weight with regard to anything of this sort. But more importantly, yeah, suuuure I will go all out to make sure your sorry life gets on the track you want to be in. Considering all you’ve done for yours truly is to be nice and kind and generous and understanding and …

Suuure. Ahahahaahah.

Ok, so I don’t plan on mocking, laughing, abusing the situation, or kicking sand in their faces. But that doesn’t mean I plan on being the “bigger man” by allowing people to trample me when they feel like it, and magically helping them when they need it, either.

Fish them all I say. I don’t need. They do.

Never forgive. Never forget.
And never forgive.

And totally unrelated, carefully sprayed hair-spray sure beats hair in your face at inopportune moments.

The term is almost over. Which means obvious end term pressures, but I’ve got a lot more piled up. Exams and such.

Anyway, it was supposed to be earlier in the term. Scheduling issues, forced it to the 22^nd of this month. So my life near stalled for the past week. Then came the first SNAFU, and it got pushed to the 29^th or some such. Fine. Then said SNAFUs cascaded, and now it looks something like a month away.

I should be happy, but I’m not. I don’t like being scared and tense and all that sort of thing.

I mean, not in an academic setting. Don’t I have 19 million other outlets for these sorts of emotions? God.

What’s the deal with lose lose situations?

I was at this restaurant at lunch, and this is one of those rather smallish places that gets rather crowded. Anyway, there are these (rather narrow) pathways formed at the gaps between the backs of chairs. At some point of time, when I was not quite lost enough in my meal, I happened to notice this (rather not small) woman who needed to make her way through the (rather narrow) path.

Anyway, point being, I could acknowledge that she couldn’t… fit and move my chair… widening the path? and get cold glared at, for calling her fat without calling her fat. Or I could just sit there and get cold glared at for being an insensitive clod.

Needless to say, I got the cold glare. Sheesh.

Yes, rather is the word of the day.

Sorry, but I have to use this journal as a (low tech) way of clarifying something. My email system seems to be mysteriously misbehaving, and I need to know if my replies to your email are making it through. You know who you are.

You should have received three resent mails. Please please let me know if you get them (or actually, even if you don’t).

I did reply as soon as I saw yours. Honest. And I am alive, and not sick.

Clickey clickey.

I know I said I wouldn’t paste images arbitrarily. And trust me, as pretty as these flowers look, they’re pretty evil. Hmm.. they’re pretty AND they’re evil. Yesterday was warm, bright and cheerful outside. I had to take a little walk. There was a minor incident involving me crossing at this intersection, staring at these flowers, dropping my camera bag, not realizing (still staring), suddenly realizing, turning around, forgetting to look for passing cars, almost getting …

you know. All is well enough however.

And that is why this seemingly random image post means enough to be posted. As if it being one of my coolest ever flower picies ever wasn’t enough reason.

Being alive feels better than it did a short while ago. *Breathes*

I was just informed that because I don’t talk in Tamil, have longer than usual hair, don’t cook “normal things”, am “actively attempting” to live outside the “traditional desi hub” and stuff like that, I am this sort of weird outcast.

No, not revered freethinker. Weird outcast.

I repeat. Hmm.

Went home to sleep after a few days. Warm, comfortable beds are good. 12 hours of emulating a petrified log later, my eyelids are open on their own accord. (As opposed to being propped up by little twigs made of caffeine.)

However, it’s times like this I wish I were something analogous to a president (no names here) of a country. You know, the kinds that have huge armies of violent people under their command willing to carry out their order. So I can look at life and go “Bring it on!” (or something similar) and relax at home with the kids or my cat or whatever, while my minions do the deeds I ask them to – vanquish my foes. (In a sort of gung ho way – “Terminate with extreme prejudice” sort of thing.) I wish I were cool (or dumb) enough to go “Bring it on!”.

And there has been some talk about me having to “reconsider” my trip back home. Hmm.

Update: Listened to Incubus :: A Crow Left Of The Murder… :: Megalomaniac some 17 times over an hour and a half or some such. Ah yes, the ability to sing (offtuneishly) along. Think I’m in love. Floria Sigismondi.

It’s some 3 AM and I am THIS CLOSE to breaking down on all levels.

*Crushes index finger into thumb*

*Takes deep breath and puts on semi serious eyes*
(Semi serious eyes with a hint of a tearlet.)

THIS CLOSE.
(Making the gap between them infinitesimal. Obviously, signifying how close he is to breaking down. Doesn’t even feel enough to realize he’s hurting said fingers while being all dramatic. And what levels? Physical, emotional, intellectual, social?, spiritual?, and anything else you’d care to pile on there.)

*Looks around hoping to see a pleasant yet totally destructive natural calamity cause in close proximity*

*Continues to periodically pinch self to hopefully wake from what is just an evil nightmare*

I hope the tears dont stain the world that waits outside
Where did it all go wrong?

Sigh.

I made time for the tax thing and the software on the site that’s supposed to help me prepare it is down.

Just great.

Hmm. Dozed off at work for something like an hour. Just woke. That hasn’t happened before, not during sane hours anyway.

I’m very drained. I am not getting anywhere with anything. All of this sucks.

People suck. Complicated things suck. Tension sucks. Life sucks.

I want to go to sleep and wake up with everything the way it should have been. I don’t want to deal with any of it.

Broken code.
Adhoc additions to said broken code.
Sheesh, the word adhoc and its connotation.
Insufficient test prep.
The existence of tests.
Tons of piled up homework.
The existence of homework.
Lack of understanding of what’s going on in classes due to not doing said homework.
Taxes. 300 fishing forms asking me stuff I don’t particularly know or care for.
Sleep deprivation.
People referring to me as “guy with the nice hair” or some such, and NOTHING ELSE.
As in, when all you need to be is something more to said people.

Insufficient knowledge, heart, skill, ability to work or enthusiasm to fix any of this.

Fish. Life sucks.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnat tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Fcuknig amzanig huh?

Tihs infromtaion was sotlen from smoewhere esle.