Category: General

Guess who got selected to be a TA, also.

Now I choose. Muahahahah. Muahahahahahahaha. ;) I win.

But it is so worth it. Was on the phone all night long :D. God, I haven’t done that in so long, and it felt so good.

Really really.

Also, I never realized, like, I use the word like so frequently while I talk. But none of that really matters now does it?

I maintained a thought log of events in Florida, thinking that I will get back and eventually update my blog. Didn’t happen. The end result, 3 months from now I would have forgotten where all I went, or what I did. And in 6, that I even went.

I will NOT let the same thing to happen to New Mexico. Not that it’s an exceptional loss even if I do. But still, decided to atleast have a mini .triplog, for hmm, to sort of off-load the contents of my brain freeing it for more useful things.

And, it’s happening already. It was a 6 or so day trip and I hardly remember 3-4. Note to self: Get yourself checked. Anyway, the original plan (or the portion I can recollect) I think was:

07/27/03 I want
07/28/03 All the world’s a curve fit
07/30/03 Talk, bomb scare, bar
07/31/03 Old city, flight back

Or something similar.

I think this post sort of covers the “I want”, though it’s too feelingy to be in true actuality.log style. But, it will have to do.

I don’t have the time, patience or material to get separate blog entries from the other days. So, what follows is an arbitrary mix of facts. The trip started off as any other. I left here, one stop at Houston in between, and finally arrived at Albuquerque (henceforth ALB). The first thing I noticed from the plane was that this place was a teeny patch of green surrounded by arid/dry/orange/red/rocky landscape for as far as the eye can see. Pretty pretty. The airport also was strangely populated with cool grey millitary aircraft.

ALB is a small poor place which is built around national and defence labs. So you got the cool facilities, and nothingness around it. Lots of “engineering” concerns, which do “engineering” work, and we know nothing more about what happens inside.

Reached the YACH (Yet Another Classy Hotel, the Hyatt in this case) in a while and mundane events like registering and collecting the cool bag with the scratch pad, CDs, pens, highliters, schedules and all such other swarf. The coolest pen was a highliter from Sun. Cheap thrills, yes.

The thing about this place is you can walk ONLY on select roads. No getting off the path. Tons of homeless people and so on, so no 800$ cameras outside, and no walking out of groups after set times.

Fast forward a couple of days, came my talk. Which went off, decently. All in all, the thing had been very professionally organized, as it should have been, it was a USNCCM. The highlight of that day was actually that there was actually a bomb scare. A “suspicious” package had been found in a mens room and all events, some terminated midway, were shut down for a couple of hours until things were sorted out.

Of course, they didn’t bring it up again, but it was obviously nothing since we are all fine and alive. During this conference however, I am further depressed considering the state of “science”. Our understanding of what’s going on is really limited. I had a big thing planned, but this has to be in it’s own article. Sadly, all the world’s a curve fit. That’s all I plan to say about it right here right now.

The Brazilian bar/grill was, interesting. After eons of waiting (while listening to extremely good, live hmm Afro-Latino music) we were treated to a fun served dinner. Grilled different sorts of meat on rotation and the waiters run around with these big, kababs? with a REALLY LARGE AND SHARP KNIFE (and they weren’t too safe with them either) and chopped up on your table whatever you wanted. Again, here I had to go through the “Vegetarian huh? Sure you eat salmon” sort of talk. There were grilled veggies also, so all is well. Anyway, that was that, and it was fun.

Fast forward again, a few days later, back on the flight back home, and then home. I have to say the burrito I had on the flight (surprise, they served food food) was the best I’ve ever had.

I have to joke about the psychedelic/hypnotic light/music in the airport, but it’s so bad it isn’t even funny. A relative of my advisor had a migraine just being there. Sheesh.

Oh, almost forgot, since I didn’t really see anything, including at the Old Town, which was an hour walk to see a bunch of shops, I started photographing graffiti, including a can of paint I found on the ground used for these deeds. I have to say, these people weren’t too creative or skilled, so that pretty much sucked too. But hey, it was colourful, at times. Put up some of them up at the usual place

That triplog sucked, but it’s got to do.

Back from another trip to a conference at Albuquerque, New Mexico. A few pictures are in the usual place. Working on the site a bit more. Tidying up the blog and released a yearly report since the site is about a year old :D.

It’s been a year or so since I’ve been here. Actually, it will be a year in about a week, but that’s not terribly important. The site’s come a long way since it’s inception, and I decided to document some progress. Nothing major, just this report which has some details.

There’s a lot of stuff to do, of course. Most of it is documented in the TODO section of the .info. The growth curve also paints a pretty picture :). We’ve come a long way.. baby.

Since the blog is seeing the most activity it has in a while, many oddities are now surfacing. Will fix them, slowly.

In other site related news. This site has actually “inspired” other people to do stuff in different ways. Here is an example:

Inspired Site

I just wish licenses were followed, a bit more strictly. And I don’t even use a strict license.. I mean how hard can it be to credit someone when it’s not your work?

Now this page was not so hard to do.

So anyway, I wish it an advanced happy birthday since no one else will notice, or care, and keep it moving forward. I know someone who actually referred to her site as her baby. Now I am not saying I’ve gone that far, but I am not saying I’ve not gone that far either.

When this all began a long long time ago, I didn’t expect my posts to need individual, unique URLs. But strangely enough, now they do, because posts from the outside intend on linking to them for some strange reason. Anyway, some PHP voodoo minutes later, here they are.

Now to fix bloogle, the non-functional, space occupying pretty lil blog search function that well, just sits there.

Here I am, the dude who felt he’d achieved software nirvana by going all free software, happily browsing (tralla llalaa laa) in my relative’s place (on a fully non-free software box). You’ve got to see where I’m coming from. The browser I normally use hasn’t offered me a popup in like three years or something. I’ve seen these dastardly lil things before, just it’d usually be some crappy animated gif of some purple (or if the artist is less drunk, a brown) monkey or something. So I’d stay clear of it.

Anyway, three or so years later, after being popup free, here I am, and WHAM, this pops up.

For a second I scan it, and go, hmm, right OS, right browser, must be.. and almost click it (with an emphasis on almost). Man this was good stuff. Complete with a seemingly functional File menu button and so on (all options taking you back to its intended site). I resist the urge to click OK and right click and view source instead. Some pretty 1337 javascript and things. So, evidently, popup writers haven’t been sitting idle all these years.

Very cool stuff. Somehow, if they learn to “read” system theme colours and match them better, these people will get tons of hits.

Very evil, but very cool.

I start typing this not knowing whether it’ll end up as a blog entry, an article once a place is made for such stuff on the rest of the site, a mail to someone who’d bother to read it, or all, which is most likely. I’d like to think of it as a rough draft that will eventually find its place somewhere on the site. It’s been in my head for most of my life, but I’ve never really attempted to articulate it before (Ok, that’s a lie, it’s just, not too public an articulation). This could have also been suitably time stamp modded and passed off as my blog entry on the day I flew to Houston, the events of the day being what forced the neural connections in my head to bring it to the front of my mind.

Anyway, coming down to the details, my seat on the plane was adjacent to these two “best friends”. It’s in quotations, not because I doubt they were, but because it’s a concept I cannot grasp. During this serving of “single serving friends” (A term I borrow from one of the funniest violent movies of all time, Fight Club), I was… in awe? captivated? and all that sort of thing over the way they communicated.

Before I proceed, on a side note, violent movies (actually any movie that’s not a happy happy romantic comedy, in general) suck (because if I need death, misery, sad stuff in general, the news will do just fine). Edward Norton and few others can warp the rules.

Returning to our central story after that little detour, these two really communicated. Finished each other’s sentences, found totally not funny things funny, just because it’s the other one that said it and stuff like that. I was like a little school girl seeing a Unicorn or something. I made small talk, occasionally, but was just mostly staring wide eyed. Now for people who don’t know me, I’m male. And just when you think, ha ha, loser, can’t get too much worse, it does, and fast. I am a geek. THE MOST deadly combination for social ineptness and extreme lack of communication skills. And there I was, watching these communication goddessess? do their thing. I noticed they spoke about real things. No details obscured, however intimate they may be. I’d give anything to experience that… again. It would be seriously wrong if I said at that moment I wished I were a girl. So I won’t say it. Yes, I probably have issues with being a male, among other things, but it’s not something I am just going to come out and say.

Am I saying I want to undergo major changes? No, not to the extent of painful operations and hormone replacement, definitely not. Am I saying I need a friend? No, that’s too general. Am I saying I need/miss a… significant other.. in the traditional sense of “girl friend”? Not really either. That’s great, but it’s not what I feel I need right now. Do I need someone to talk to? Yes, but I mean really talk talk. Has anybody noticed two men really talk talk? Women can. I’ve noticed them do it since like forever. I had just pushed it to the back of my head until this latest trip. Men, on the other hand, do stuff together. They can hang out, compete, whatever it is that men do together. It revolves around some activity and while it might be fun, it’s not what I am looking for. Hence, I’ve given up on men. I haven’t given up on SHE being the one to talk to.. only? That’s good enough, no it’s more than that. That’d be perfect, but it’s not looking too good for that any time soon is it? So am I saying what I really need is a good female friend? I guess so.

I’ve been alone for most of my life. Why did that change when I found, and am now probably losing, someone who just “gets me” without me having to really explain myself? What’s that movie, hmm… At First Sight? (Mira Sorvino, god she’s beautiful) where the blind guy gets sight and loses it. Well, I haven’t lost it yet, nor do I have to. Just, I can’t seem to bear the thought of it. No actually, I can. It’s just, it’d be better if that didn’t happen or at least have someone to talk to if/when I do. Having difficulty expressing stuff, any help, she (note, not they or he) can give you is most necessary.

If people were more… predictable, like simple systems, a quantum computer for instance. Life would be a lot less fun admittedly, but a lot easier. Give us folk with lesser (Ok, no) people skills a chance. Not for anything big, just a chance to say what’s on their mind, and know someone hmm.. this is complicated, someone who they want to care about it.. care about it.

Comprehending and rationalizing things going on around me is what I live for. Physics is the true goal. Math, computers are the tools. Where does needing someone to “get” me fit into the equation? I can’t answer that. Which is why this has been at the back of my mind as a mere thought wander, something less important.

Why is it so much easier to say something like this when you feel it’s some random person reading it as opposed to someone who really cares and can do something about it? Geeks, prefer a dead lifeless console to a face to face heart to heart. Being cold and emotionless and seeing the world in shades of grey is what I am used to. Sure, it’s one way of doing things. Sure it’s what I did for most of my time on this planet. It’s not too bad, and I am not too bad at it. It’s just, sometimes, it’s not good enough.

Sigh. Runs to a phone. (Ok, walks).

It’s very late. I’ve been clearing up some old files on my computer and see what I’ve run into :D, a file containing all the blog names I had contemplated before deciding on actuality.log. Why am I releasing this? No reason, except, when I see one later with a name on this list, I can mock you for being even less creative than I am. Muahah.. Muahahahahh.. Muahahahahhaha!

blogarhythm

infinitely void

free mind

infinitely
inquisitive

wandering mind

actuality.log

static eccentric

dynamically static

harsh reality

event.log

unreality

curiously alone

some assembly required

comprehensive
comprehension

built from source(s)

need to know

random noise

uncharacteristically
chatty

curioCity

Just who are these queer creatures?

Find out.

I was at this Brazilian bar/grill on my last trip, and of course when it came down to actually ordering anything, I had to mention to the waitress, I’m a vegetarian. Of course, the first question I get is “So, do you eat salmon?”. I crack up :D, and go “No, I don’t”. Then I get the “Oh, so you’re a “for real” vegetarian”. I nod and smile. Anyway, this prompted me to lookup vegetarian in a real dictionary. Some real howlers.

vegetarian “veh-jeh-terr-ee-aan”

1. The idiots who try to tell us that soy beans substitute meat. They also forget that humans are designed with CANINE teeth to rip apart flesh, and a short digestive system that contains hydrochloric acid to quickly break down protein within 2 hours. Also, humans are NOT designed to eat only vegetables because WE CANNOT DIGEST CELLULOSE!!!! if we WERE true herbivores, we would have more than one stomach, and bacteria that cn break down cellulose. We also have large brains because of millions of years of eating MEAT and NOT tofu, plus we HAD to eat meat because we evolved in a place where food was hard to find so we had to eat what we could get, including animals.

Yup. I agree that Vegetarianists are incredibly stupid to ignore a few simple aspects of human anatomy.

Let’s put all the Vegetarianists on an island and populate it with lions, mosquitos, ticks, bears, crocodiles, snakes, wolves, and cougars, and enjoy watching the Vegetarianists try to preach their religious nonsense to these animals who will see them as food.

2. If you eat birds and marine animals, and any products made from animals, YOU ARE NOT A VEGETARIAN! And animal products include Jello, yogurt, ice-cream, butter, and eggs. Dumbass.

Vegetarian: I have been a vegetarian for eight years and I eat chicken, duck, fish, crabs, lobsters, shrimp, and oysters.
Meat Eater: (laughing) You are not a vegetarian.
Vegetarian: Yes I am.
Meat Eater: (pulls out biology book) Let’s see here…(turns to bird anatomy) I certainly don’t see plants with these kinds of organs…(turns to fish anatomy) or these organs…(turns to lobster anatomy) or these organs…(turns to oyster anatomy) or these organs. Have you even seen any of these animals while they are alive? What makes them so different from eating a dead cow or pig or sheep?
Vegetarian: (embarrased) Um…er…it’s just that…um…I don’t eat red meat, yeah and….um…red meat is blood meat..and..and..I DON’T LIKE BLOOD!
Meat Eater: But still you eat meat, and if you eat meat you are not a vegetarian.
Vegetarian: But..but..I AM! You’re trying to deceive me!
Meat Eater: I’m deceiving you? You said you are a vegetarian but you eat meat. Both are contradictory.
Vegetarian: Fuck you! Fuck you and burn in Hell with your murderous meat eating evil (stabs Meat Eater with hidden knife).
Meat Eater: (groaning in pain) Wow. I thought vegetarians were actually peaceful, reasonable people.

3. A cruel diet that is about eating plants.

I became a meatarian because I love plants too much to eat them. I saw pain, suffering, saddness, fear, and death.

4. a: Evil people who try to make us believe that we are not designed to eat meat, despite millions of years of proof that we are, indeed, omnivores. b: The diet of the Hindu (excluding the Hindu of Bali because they eat meat). c: What faggots, teenage/college girls, hippies, female Yuppies, and otherwise idiots like to call themselves, even though we all know they’re hiding a bucket of chicken wings in the fridge at home. d: A hypocrite who protests “Meat is Murder” while licking a honey-flavored ice cream cone.

I eat chicken and fish because I’m a vegetarian.

5. Hippies, soccer moms, yuppies, whale-savers, tree-huggers, horse-riders, horse-fuckers, fatties, sooks and any person with no canine teeth.

customer: I’ll have the vegetarian burgers, thanks.
serviceguy: With meat?
customer: AAAAAAH!!! *faints*
serviceguy: Heh heh heh.. next please!

6. A hypocryte. A person who only eats the LIVING cells of a vegetable or plant, while chastizing the rest of society for killing animals for food. Yes people, a vegetable is ALIVE when you eat it. Meat is dead.

The vegetarian imprisoned the living carrot in her cold, damp refridgerator, away from the sunlight that feeds it.
The vegetarian ripped apart the living tissue of the carrot with his teeth, dooming the carrot to a slow and cruel death by digestion.

7. A person who thinks that forcing omnivores to become herbivores improves the balance in nature.

A vegetarian is usually a retard.

No, I didn’t realize for one instant that we were such a) elitists b) hated.

Hate is what you resort to when you’re too old for violence. – BPH
Evil doesn’t spread itself! Talk about contributing at irc.freenode.net #EvilEntity.

Back home, like finally. Still stuck on Albuquerque (or however it’s spelt) time. Which is why I’m typing this at 2:00 A.M or some such. Trip was… decent. Will fill in details through time stamp modded posts if time permits (read I can get myself to type it). There are very few pictures. Nothing worth taking, just some I took to remind me 2 years down the line that I went to this sleepy town.

I’m your regular wanderer type now. And don’t mind it.

Using some 1337 hacking skills and code-fu, I had (on a weekend I was far more jobless than most) generated Pi to a million places. I just realized, (probably 2 months late now) that I hadn’t linked to the nice colour coded html page I had generated with Pi to so many places. (Yes, it’s been done to many more. 35 million or so IIRC. And now I can do it too if I just can sacrifice my not so super computery machine for so long).

What’s the fun spending (wasting? :P) time on something you care about when you can’t even crash someone’s browser or strain their connection. :D

If your browser breaks, get a real one.

In other Pi news, I know this person, who is one of the most happy happy people I know (now with his eye-brows pierced and everything) who knows Pi to a thousand places!

Even more cooler, he isn’t in sciences or engineering. I need to make more such real people “friends” (surface level interaction partners) to remind me at regular intervals the world isn’t all in shades of grey.

Sigh, geeks, don’t see colour. I mean, we do, but we don’t.

Anger and such. Makes you less productive, just nags and… doesn’t solve anything.

Firstly, I need to say I am furious. It takes a lot to get me worked up, but it’s happened none the less. Nothing in particular, general incompetence, lies and so on, all piling on top of each other until I’ve seemingly snapped. (Yes, complete with the smoke coming out of my ears and all that).

I won’t go into details, as I can’t. Though I have clearly stated in the disclaimer in the .info that the content can’t be used anti-me ever, this space has to be a toned down, and moderated version of my thoughts and feelings. Why? Records of things said is in general, not nice. It’s even worse when it’s out in the open for everybody to see.

It’s like you want to scream, but you can’t cause someone will hear you. So, I choose the obfuscated scream.

And the worst part is, I am not sure it’s all anger. (Yes, most of it is). But the incompetence bit. I am not sure I am not terrified of my upcoming talks amongst giants. Since I seemingly don’t know too much, there’s no guarantee I won’t mess up. I am not able to handle that and directing that fear (constructively er) as anger towards other incompetent and “can’t make up their mind as to what they want” people around me.

To nullify this irritating feeling and to take my mind off (lack of ability to do decent) work, I’ve been shopping. Audio gear, a webcam, tons of music (completing some of my album collections, forging on to the singles), and cool books. Including, some god state stuff.

Hopefully reading (and comprehending) them will take me to that state. All knowing (well, knowing enough anyway), and hence peaceful.