actuality.log

Random browsing can lead to the most interesting things.

I had been quite smart yesterday and outsmarted me by leaving my computer at work. I had to sleep earlyish. And that didn’t work either. Felt quite horrid when I woke today. Things got better after I showered with steam, and I upgraded my condition to 73.342%. Yes, I like numbers that sound insanely accurate and not really tell you anything.

The day went off quite well (considering it’s cold and wet) with the highlight being at a nice talk by the chair of the ME department at M.I.T, Dr. Abeyaratne. The cutest three year old was sitting next to me with her dad. I was totally amazed at how well she behaved, considering continuum mechanics isn’t horribly interesting when you’re three. Hmm, or is it.

Back at the lab, rebuilt legolas with RH9, mostly. The nice thing about legolas, apart from the multiple processors, is it’s got multiple hard drives too. That way the transition from RH7x was a lot less lossy, at least people’s data wise. The same can’t be said about the programming environment (and hence productivity), sadly. Asked Hashem to try his code, since it normally takes weekends to finish simple runs.

Bad move. gcc/g77 is pretty sad when it comes to performance as compared to icc/ifc. The code which was happily whizzing by on sauron (intel compiler compiled) was crawling, as in literally. There was no need to time any processes, it downright sucked. But then again, g77 found a few blatant bugs that ifc had happily ignored while compiling.

The sad, and in a “this is going to be a free only software machine” way, good thing is that intel’s current gen compilers don’t like glibc 2.3x. Which sucks, because I like glibc 2.3x. And this is why I was struggling so much to get objects from icc and gcc to coexist and live happily on my laptop as well.

But then again, free software just feels good. Slower or not. I wish intel would drop their line and merge fancy schmancy extreme x86 optimizations into the gcc line. That’d be good karma.

Everything tastes horrid.

Woke late and decided to, gasp, warm my milk for cereal. Either cold milk has always drowned the taste, or Cheerios downright sucks. Ugh. Not the all tasty honey-nut thing, the stupid “Eat me, I taste horrid, but I claim to be good for you” one. No cold juice or whatever to drink either. Hot water. Gah, even water started “tasting”. In a not good way.

Also made myself a cup of tea, after hmm, 3 months or so. Of course, I’m to lazy to find sugar or pour milk, so it was more like hot water and a tea bag. Needless to say it tasted gross.

However, the silver lining in all of this, and it’s not even shiny real silver, more like a cheap imitation, I spent more time at home. Cleaned up a bit, and sorted a whole lot of paper. From notes to spam.

I had planned to not use my computer after I got home. The deal was that I could either catch up on some sleep, or some reading, both of which I really need right about now.

But the walk back home was filled with too much weirdness, and that plan’s out of the window.

I’m leaving GGB like I always do, and as soon as I hit the parking lot, there’s this maniac who skids in, parks his car, and runs away from it. I am not talking the “Oh, this is a great evening for a jog, maybe I’ll park here and get some exercise” style scheme of events. I’m talking about “She’s going to blow, run for your lives” style scheme of events.

Anyway, people around let the maniac pass and get on with whatever it is they were doing.

Next up, the couple before me on the footpath side walk. Well, they were obviously close and hmm.. graphic in their show of emotion. All of that’s fine. What’s weird was while the female was oblivious to the surroundings, the dude was hmm.. shifty to say the least. He kept looking back and to the sides at some 3 second intervals to see who’s observing them? or whatever. Like anyone around gives a damn. After we made eye contact like 4 times.. I just had to slow down and let them move faar away, it just felt wrong.

Then as I reached the nearest mainish road, with people travelling at 50-60 mph or so, I would assume people crossing would mind the cross/don’t cross signals. Not this old lady, no. She needs to attempt to “run” across when she isn’t supposed to. She almost got killed. Three times. Two cars get thrown totally out of control and all that. Not a pretty thing.

No, not fast active person with extreme reflexes. An old woman. What would she need to get to in such a hurry anyway? What would anyone need to get to in such a hurry. Sheesh.

A 50m away, there is this large mess of police cars. I didn’t even bother to look in the direction. There was obviously something not very minor happening.

Moving along, as I near home, the guy in the path ahead of me is talking way loud. First I assume, to himself. Then I assume, into one of those hand free phones. It was like he was practicing a pretty fun talk/routine with someone else. Get closer, and no, he’s just talking out loud to himself. Period.

Now I’ve walked around and practiced talks myself, but not so loud. Anyway, it was funny so I did slow down and got the most of that.

Then, after we’ve separated, out of nowhere, the bushes next to me shows signs of extreme activity, a scared? skunk runs out right by me and hides under a car for no real reason. Yes, me, the great evil skunks fear. Anyway, I deviated a bit and moved far away, to avoid any.. incidents.

How do I know it’s a skunk? I’ve seen enough cartoons to recognise the stripe.

Anyway, home now, and I better try to sleep. Which will be hard, because I’ve just drowned myself in dew again. I really need to work on my self restraint issues.

   .oooO
   (       )
     \    (     Oooo.
        \_)    (       )
                 )    /
 GNOME   (_/

I just realized I’ve been spending waay to much time at the uni. I mean, I’m awake, and I’m here. I go home at 12-1, I sleep. That’s been life for the past few weeks. At least if I was insanely productive and getting stuff done at a pace I’d like, it would be fine, I think. But it’s not. I feel like I’m always here, (not always doing anything, but) doing enough within given limitations, and yet very little is actually being done.

And in the middle of all of this, I haven’t been feeling so good over the past couple of days. It’s a sickish feeling caused by a sore throat and mild fever (though I really can’t tell how mild, or whether it’s a fever even, because I just realized I don’t own a thermometer) that’s not doing too much damage. But it is irritating, and dulling.

I don’t think it has anything to do with the kind of (not) work I’m putting in, but I’m beginning to have a sneaky feeling it might.

Slept in today, and it hasn’t really helped.

I’m too tired to do too much more. Just had to, it being International Talk Like a Pirate Day and all.

Things aren’t supposed to be like this. Now I’m all guilty.

I kind of sort of confronted my roommate about the.. noisy breathing. And instead of getting all defensive and “Oh, it’s not something under my immediate control”, he’s all like “Oh, you should have brought it up earlier, how inconsiderate of me, I’ll sleep on the couch.”

And he has, for the past two nights.

Sure, it’s all quiet (considering the clock has gone too), but now I’m feeling all not nice and rude and guilty and all that. Things aren’t supposed to be like this.

Here they are, my answers to Anita’s interview questions.

ATCGW*!

I have shuffled around their order, roughly in increasing order of how difficult I found thinking about the answers. Yes, stupid as they may sound, I did put in some thought.

1. If you had to switch to a completely different field, one totally unrelated to engineering of any sort, what would you choose?

I’d love to switch to a field related to music. I mean this even without the “had to”. Of course, I’m not really sure what I’d do if I did switch, but I am pretty sure that’s where I’d likely end up. I would assume exposing myself to and training myself in classical vocal (and while we’re really taking a leap of faith, instrumental) music of any sort will be fun.

Making a living out of it if possible will be a bonus.

And strangely, thinking about it, even becoming a critic or a conductor sound like fabulous things to do. I guess it’s because somehow, I am associating them with less work than the actual performer.

2. What’s the deal with you and your love for leaving comments in blogs?

I thought about this a bit. Was it something trivial, like time on my hands? or something devious, like attempting to guilt people into reciprocating?

No, it wasn’t really either.

I spend more time on some blogs than others (like everybody else), for different reasons. I think this commenting thing is my way of compensating for something. I really don’t communicate a whole deal actually, and this, in some weird way, makes me feel heard? I feel this is why, even if I’m not able to be entirely lucid.

And in my defense, before it’s scribed in stone that I don’t really have a life, I only ‘love to leave comments’, at a few places :). How few is few? Well, that’s a different story. The point is, these few places, feel… different. In a very good way. In an I am not entirely uncomfortable saying something sort of way?

3. The one thing that always reminds me of Ann Arbor are ladybugs. What one thing do you think will always make you have AA flashbacks long after you’ve left?

I think it’s a bit premature for me to definitively answer this question right now. I haven’t been here a very long time. Right now however, there is this one evening I can’t forget.

It was an unusually cold winter night when a little shower left everything, from plants to telephone wires with these frozen stalactite thingies. It was also a full moon, and the light from the moon and a few street lights made the whole place have this eerie yet extremely pretty yellow orange glow.

That coupled with the glistening and shimmering everything was, quite a stunning sight and one of the cooler experiences of my life. I was up until the wee hours of the morning running around like an excited 3 year old, taking it all in (and nearly freezing).

I don’t think I will ever forget this for a long while. Right now, my thought path is,

Ann Arbor -> cold -> that evening.

And yes, it was one of those Kodak moments, literally.

4. Aside from family and friends, what do you miss most about India?

This took a bit of time. The horrid truth is, I miss very little really, I guess apart from close family.

I missed a few generic things, like the mentality of the people. Stuff like work not being the top of their priority list. Stuff like not having to go through pseudo “Great day, and how are you today?” sort of conversations, while not really giving a damn, with arbitrary people. I miss the beach, which is very strange. I was never too much of one to really be at the beach. It just bothers me a bit when I realize now the sea isn’t walking distance away. For no real reason, I am quite averse to large bodies of water.

Being the geek that I am, I did miss one of my computers a bit.

But after some thought, the thing I miss most is something totally mundane. I really miss that there is really very little public transport in most parts here. It’s like, I miss the freedom or something? Sure there are buses and so on, inside campus. But not too great if you really want to go anywhere.

I have never really been comfortable with driving around, probably because of the roads and drivers where I am from. I just like being taken? to places. Not that I have too many places to go :), it’s for those few times that I do.

5. What do you not miss at all?

I guess I pretty much answered this during the last question. I really do miss very little. If I really went about listing it all, this post will tend to get a lot larger than it already is. Not to mention annoy a few people :), and I don’t have the time to deal with all of that given my *cough* busy schedule and all that.

Particularly, what some people find strange to believe, I really don’t miss the kind of food I’m generally assumed to be “used to”.

It’s not like I’m particularly adjusting or anything close. I wouldn’t even classify myself as one who tries too many new things too often. Yet, I’m pretty happy, actually more than that, with most sorts of odd cuisine (odd within limits, like it’s from a plant) from different parts of the world.

I’m late and trying to catch up, but better late than never.

*ATCGW – And the crowd goes wild.
(Stolen from a funny story about one of Dave’s previous math teachers who uses ATCGW as a replacement for QED at the end of proofs.)

Here are the rules:
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment saying, “interview me.”
2. I will respond by asking you five questions – each person’s will be different.
3. You will update your journal with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Free Software or not, you know something is not entirely good when it’s abusing system resources. Not entirely good.

Just got back from a party at Aarons. It was good fun. I need to do “stuff”, a bit more often. Anyway, this was more of a gathering of people, I mean, at least, no furniture was broken this time :).

Conversations before this. “Hey her-reesh, you want something specific to eat? You’re vegetarian right?” I go, “No, anything vegetarian is fine, thanks”.

Standard response, “God, that’s so specific, all I eat is meat”.

I remembered the earlier vegetarian post. It’s like I’m part of some poor rare misunderstood species, in a good way. I got to play a part in deciding the vegetarian menu for the SES meet. Stuff like that.

And, I need an XBOX, or a Playstation. Actually, I want a GameCube. First I need a $400 video card for a machine, which I am not able to get myself to buy. Hmm.

A myriad of small changes forces a version number bump to v0.1.5b. The beta tag remains because many pages are in flux and/or are horribly broken. Frequent updates until a stable release should ensue as it’s falling together in my head.

Not been near my computers for a while. I mean, I have been, but not too much longer than just checking email and that sort of thing. Life moves along just fine, though I’m doing a bit more than I am comfortable doing.

And the really freaky thing is, I am not really getting anything done.

Ahh well, anyway, got do document some stuff before I forget it. Firstly, it’s getting colder. Last evening, I actually ‘almost shivered’ during the walk back home. Granted, it was almost 12 at night, it had just drizzeled, and I was in shorts and a tee, but it shouldn’t be cold.

It will get worse and worse until, well, it is almost this time next year when it is warm for a bit.

That’s not the only thing, I was out all day, until that time getting arbitrary things done towards classes and work and all that. Too lazy to come home and make a salad or whatever, I picked up a pizza on the way home.

Thank goodness they work late.

Ate. and crashed. I needed to be up early the next day. Then I hear it, tick.. tick.. TICK… WHAT’S with clocks and their incessant ticking? I was hmm, violent to say the least. Ran and ripped out the batteries.

I need to get people around digital clocks or whatever it is that’s silent. And smash these existing ones to teeny bits, for no reason. Just for me to feel good.

Then, it’s supposed to be quiet. And then it starts. Ahh well, neighbors upstairs, squeaky bed. I just have to assume they have invisible kids and these kids like trampolines.

Fifteen minutes or so later, it’s quiet again. Sleep, I need sleep. So I guess I fall asleep. In a little bit, I am awakened by a snoring roommate. Now I am mad. Madder I mean.

Too tired to do anything about anything, I move to the living room couch, and what’s the problem now? That’s occupied bt a guest of a roommate.

Oh my god, I can’t win.

Or can I. I figured out some (problem I think) with my left ear. I can do some funky pressing it in odd places to “block” it. It feels like.. how it feels when you’re coming out of a pool or something after your ears are fully.. full. Anyway, with one ear blocked and the other fully pressed into a pillow, sleep is just a few short minutes away.

Disabilities are not always a bad thing?

ARGGHH.

I thought I was being real smart by typing this at some odd place thinking I won’t be disturbed so I can get some moderately cohesive thoughts out. I was wrong.

So much for answering the questions at this time.

The spot I picked out HAD to be the meeting area for some group organizing something, of which I am a part. How odd is that? I really shouldn’t delete these mails saying when and where they are. So I know, and can skillfully avoid.

Now on to some fake smiles and all that sort of social thing.

Very minor, and some concept trials introduced. Moderately noticeable changes include updates to the favorite pictures page and some alternate about me pages here and here.

What? You feel the new order of pictures feels more colourful? Yes, I do so too.

And while I was going through pictures during this update, I found this.

Plants have GOT to learn their place.. in the global hierarchy sorts of things. Sheesh.

Nothing major. Move along now.

I remember a time when weekends meant no work. I mean literally. Wake whenever, do whatever, overeat, fool around on the computer, watch tv till your eyes burn, listen to music so loud and hard you know you’re inducing deafness, sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat, switching order of activities at will. Actually, come to think of it, those weren’t just weekends, they were the average day.

Good times.

Now, things are very different. Not entirely in a bad way, but sometimes you just don’t want things to have changed, so much.

People around always indicated it would only get worse, at least in the sense of more involved, more responsibility, more complicated and so on as time went on. Of course, I never believed them. I was, like everyone else, in the constant state of believing, “this is the hardest stretch, it will obviously be smoother sailing from now on”.

Not that it was ever “hard”, but when you’re insanely lazy, things could always be better. Yes, just plain greedy. And no, I don’t plan to change.

Weekends now involve work like any other day. Probably a little less “real” work, but there is tons of other “realer” life stuff that you have to catch up on. And I don’t mean the fun stuff. I mean arbitrary necessary evils, like the cleaning and washing sorts of things.

Strangely, these are good times too.

I guess I am older and wiser and all that sort of thing. Well, older anyway. Because, they don’t bother me as much as I thought they would. I almost, *shudder*, enjoy doing random things like cleaning up, (re)decorating, (re)arranging furniture and all the other “mundane choresy stuff” which I never imagined I’d do, let alone “not hate” doing, let alone enjoy doing.

I’ve always liked learning and related intellectual pursuits, but at my own pace. Sometimes waay faster, and sometimes a lot slower than was “expected” of a person in different areas during earlier schooling. This tends to put me off, since after a point you aren’t doing things because you want to, but because you have to.

Again, in that front too, things are different, very. I spend a lot of time reading things, learning, “working” etc, at my own pace, and only what I really want to do. That automatically removes the clear definition of work and tends to blur it with play. It can’t be work if it’s fun sort of thing.

Yes, good times.

I wonder where that little con man inside who tends to avoid any sort of work (where “work” is an all encompassing catch everything term that even includes activities like moving, communicating, non-essential thinking, …) is. But, I don’t need him to know, “good as it may be, this is the hardest stretch, it will obviously be smoother sailing from now on”.