Category: General

(Real life details resume soon.)

For those interested, I’ve almost gotten my computer to a state I wanted it to be in. With all the moving data out, formatting, repartitioning, reinstalling OSing, moving data back in, … I’ve managed to reclaim over 20 gigs of space I’d arbitrarily given up earlier. It’s amazing how much you can save when you have only one copy of a piece of software on one OS installed and not have redundancies running all about. (MikTeX/LaTeX, MATLAB/Octave, Windows/GNU/Linux, …)

Strangely enough, I don’t miss Visual Studio, I miss the frickin’ Canon “EOS Viewer”. A tool made by Canon to read my photos in Canon’s own RAW off the camera.

On to lighter things.

Since I am not one to read laundry instructions, I ended up washing a new woolen sweater in near steam when it wasn’t designed to be exposed to over 50° C or something, twice. The first time, you would say that the result was an overly snug fit. The second time, I have just one word for it, (OK, two) — Sports Bra.

Cue tasteful humour.

I, apart from being a certified sociophobe, am also what you may call a phonophobe. As in, I don’t really make or receive telephone calls, and more amusingly (to you), I am extremely terrified by the prospect. Therefore, for the most part, my phone is just a $300 clock, and not a very good one at that.

Amazingly enough, for the first time in… forever, I looked at my phone this morning as something… more.

The reason for this sudden change of perspective? I spent all night on the phone with an old friend from college, and we got around to talking about all sorts of things. And I, as in I the one who really doesn’t care about what other people are up to because it “doesn’t really matter”, cannot believe how nice it feels to actually catch up with someone and get a glimpse into how their lives are at this point in time.

In the midst of all this, there was one thing that was said that’s still bothering me. She said something vaguely akin to, “If you didn’t find anyone you’re interested in so far (referring to undergrad) and you settle for some random person (referring to a random person in general, but more directed to someone of possibly not the same cultural background) now (as in so soon), it basically reflects the fact that you haven’t met too many people, and you’re selecting the first person you’ve taken the chance to know.”

I reiterate, this bothers me. Of course, I didn’t say anything about it because it seemed to make sense at the time (plus women are usually correct about these sorts of things, and everything else), but thinking about it, this reasoning is flawed (because it’s assuming something that isn’t entirely true). I’ve jotted down some rough dates on that napkin nearby, and it is quite clear I am going to spend more time in Ann Arbor than I have in any school or college so far. Definitely more than undergrad. Consequently, the chances for my spending maximum time with someone, and letting myself know them better is actually higher here than it has been anywhere else. Given this scenario, I don’t believe it’s alright for someone to assume, “Oh, poor guy, he just settled for someone after all these years of not knowing all these other people” because there is a good chance that’s not going to be true.

“He realized he liked someone because he spent more time with and got to know them better here, as he decided to spend eons in grad school”, will probably be my take on the whole scheme of things.

And no, I don’t particularly care if you agree.

partially. But there have been semi-major data losses (including said posts) with the whole computer not being OK thing. And that sucks.

So, while I was salvaging stuff and waiting for many many gigs of data to get copied over to the new external hard drive, I wrote this up.

Why would you care? You don’t. I was just trying out some new CSS to get a “console” like feel for the command line stuff. And it looks sweet.

A few months ago, my computer sort-of-hung as it was booting into the windows partition. I watched the hard drive LED stay on continuously for some 10 minutes, after which it continued to boot seemingly normally. Once I logged in though, things weren’t so normal any more. It had “reset” its state back to a factory fresh state. The data and programs on the hard drive weren’t too messed, but the operating system, as a whole, seemed to not be able to see them properly.

This was a horrible pain, because though critical work-like data existed more so in the GNU/Linux partitions, there was still a lot of arbitrary junk (but my junk, you know, photos, ogg vorbis files …) sitting on the windows partitions. The primary reason for this being one OS could read the other’s partitions, but the other way around was not so seamless. Anywho, I grudgingly decided to find the original HP discs, only to remember the freaking things totally wipe out the hard drive before reinstalling 4 year old buggy software — not particularly useful, or fun. So, I painstakingly moved relevant data out of this machine to others with large drives (scp is your friend) at work, went out and bought an OS disc, redid things from scratch, mostly, and slowly moved the data back in.

All was well, except, yesterday, a few months later, the exact same thing started to happen on bootup. Of course, this time I hit the power button after it stalled for a little while. The end result? it’s “reset” itself to somewhere midway. Some things work, most do not. (And by “stuff not working” I mean fundamental things — like the address bar, or the rest of explorer). Reconciling to the prospect that I might have to do this once in a few months, I decided to at least reduce my pain and ordered myself an external hard drive last evening. The plan now is to clearly separate data from the OSs and programs, and store them outside. This way, any time things begin to go awry again, I can do the seriously hard-core step of wiping out and reseting from scratch, without too much of a bother.

Oh, but I don’t think there will be a next time. There is a good chance I will be nuking the windows partitions and resizing the GNU/Linux ones to use the entire hard disk.

The reasons I kept the windows partition around (I payed for it (twice), my random wireless card, Mathematica, less of a bother with overhead projectors when I am giving one of my talks, Visual Studio’s debugger) are now slowly becoming mostly moot. I have written off the windows costs as a loss, my wireless card now works flawlessly, I have gotten proficient enough with GiNaC (I always was, just lazy) and if I need it there’s always Maxima, and I can handle the projector issues when the crop up.

The only thing I will probably miss is Visual Studio’s debugger. Though I am a Free Software zealot, I don’t think there is a better software development platform than Visual Studio, on any architecture. Not one that I’ve seen anyway. And the crazy part is I don’t even use it as an IDE. I do all code writing in Emacs, because there is no better editor, period. If, and this often happens, things don’t work and I don’t see what’s going on, I give up rather soon on gdb and end up with Visual Studio — It’s just that good.

Yes, and I’m yellowbellied^*.

(^*I wanted to use another word here, which conveniently double entendres with young cat, but that’s apparently derogatory toward women. So, yellow bellied it is.)

Stuff I wrote elsewhere, in response to:

You see, science requires proof and rational explanation behind every statement. There may be certain ‘statements’ (that have no)/(cannot have any) proof in the language called as ‘science’.

I’ve been meaning to say something about this ever since I saw it, but didn’t make the time earlier.

No, science does not require a proof or rational explanation behind every statement. All science tries to do is to explain (more and more complicated things) based on logically sound arguments following from (simpler and simpler) assumptions that most people (can and do) agree on. These axioms form the basic tenets of a theory.

You take a (believable enough) axiom, “time cannot flow backward”, say. You then make rational arguments based on and building upon this fact, you get a theory. If the theory fits most things you see in everyday life, it is a good theory. Whether or not the basic axiom is true, is not important. It sure needn’t be proved, as science does not require it. All science says is if you’re willing to accept it, everything based on it is logically true, and holds. (Which implicitly carries along with it the caveat, true as long as your axioms were.)

Interestingly enough, most things we call laws today were pretty much just statements from very brilliant people, with insanely keen insight into how things might be behaving. Again, the general import here is that they just work, they fit all that we see, there are no obvious counter observations, and therefore, the statement was a building block of science. It didn’t matter if they were stated with proof or not, they worked beautifully, and thus true for all practical purposes.

Case in point, if Newton just said oh, “rate of change of the momentum of a particle is directly proportional to the net external force acting on it”, it doesn’t matter to anyone whether it came with a proof or not. For almost all systems we get to observe in our daily lives, this is a true statement, and thus, we, even as scientists, can “just accept” it. Sure, it can be easily proved today from more general mechanics descriptions making suitable assumptions on the space we live in (space is homogeneous, say). But then again, these other more general mechanics descriptions have their own set of axioms which were arbitrarily chosen (but intelligently argued) to be true.

To conclude, I reiterate — science does not require proof or rational explanation behind every statement. Science takes few building blocks without proof and logically draws conclusions from them. So yes, you were right that there are statements which have no proof in science, but it’s not some secret. Science gladly accepts that.

They’re called axioms, and stated upfront every time a theory is proposed.

I’ve not done something of this sort in a while, and I’m rather rusty.

I was doodling during a particularly boring talk a while ago, and ended up drawing something that I knew I wanted to base this site’s future logo on. It’s based on a mechanical pencil whose lead I’d aimlessly shaved to behave like a calligraphy pen. I decided to slowly transfer it onto the computer, rather than arbitrarily idle while waiting for some simulations to complete. What I’ve shown below is a start.

Before you laugh, let me remind you this was done without a mouse, and just a touchpad. Try it.

And here it is in a vector format: actuality-logo.blog.svg, in case you want to try your hand at modifying it or something.

A ton of things bug me, some more than others. This is just one of those things.

I hate those guys who keep going “my girlfriend” this, “my girlfriend” that.

Like hello, newsflash — she’s got a name.

It’s Audrey. I know, I’ve met her. You can say “Audrey and I are …”, you don’t have to say “my girlfriend and I …”.

Finally returning to our much famed “In grad school…” series.

You view life from extremely warped points of view when you’re born a hacker^*. It ends up affecting the decisions you make at fundamental levels, and determines how you navigate through life. Unfortunately, it’s hard to explain this to normal people, and can cause some confusion as you end up dealing with them in the course of daily life. I, as every other hacker, understand one thing more than anything else. It’s like the quintessential hacker ethos — “There is always another way. Usually, a better one.”

But more importantly, “… and it’s OK to spend arbitrarily large amounts of time searching for the better approach.”

People are driven by different things, but the system we are in assumes we’re all in it to get something done. Think about it, it is almost the only differentiating factor between those who “make it” and those who “waste their lives”. I am, for better or worse, driven substantially differently. I don’t know if it is because of this hacker disposition, or something else, but I tend to be driven to understand and learn. That’s it. There is no drive to do anything with that knowledge. It’s like, I am a knowledge black hole, constantly driven to suck anything and everything in, but yet you can’t evidently see any useful work being done as a result.

Luckily, in grad school, even the few deadlines that exist are relatively soft. There is nothing that, if missed, will compromise anything of tremendous worth. I know this, and that’s why I’m here. Only here can lack of discipline be conveniently mistaken for eccentric genius.

I can’t survive outside.

^*Hacker — One who enjoys the intellectual challenge of creatively overcoming or circumventing limitations.

This post exists “just because”. You have no idea how hard I’ve had to push myself to write these few inconsequential lines. I am … spent. I don’t know what else to say. I arrive home from the lab at some 2 AM in the morning, and get back in there by 8 AM. Given this, I should be getting an awesome amount of things done, but I amn’t. I’m just that retarded.

It’s been like this for a while now, and considering pretty much everything has been sucked out of me, I don’t seem to have the urge to create anything. Heck, I don’t have the energy to implement anything I would have thought up even if I had the urge to be creative.

So, stagnation it is. No words, no pictures. Zip.

This friend of mine, she has a really odd way of looking at the world.

Let me explain. Or better yet, let me resort to the much famed conversation excerpt.

Me: *Says something random and irrelevant.* (as usual)
She: “Oh no, don’t tell me you’ve turned gay too.”
Me: “Huh? Do you hear how ridiculous you sound? One doesn’t turn gay.”
She: “Oh, really? A lot of Indian guys I know have miraculously become gay after being in this country for a short while.”
Me: *Stiffles guffaw* “You don’t say.”
She: “Yep, and it’s a typical male thing to do too. They’re irresponsible, and do it because they can have fun without regards to any repercussion”.
(I think she means, apart from risking the usual STDs, being socially stigmatized, the obvious physical discomfort …)
Me: “So, you’re saying they do this because it then means they have nothing to worry about?”
She: “Yes, there isn’t the risk of an unwanted pregnancy.”
Me: *Bursts out laughing, and gets the cold glare he doesn’t have the guts to meet.*

Like I started off saying, sometimes, the way people see things is just odd.

And for the record, this is a true story and hasn’t been arbitrarily concocted.

Honest.

There aren’t many reasons why I’ve been silent, there’s just one. I’ve been swamped.

I cannot believe how far behind I’ve fallen terms of stuff I need to get done but haven’t, given I’m putting in 17×7 = ~120 hours a week.

That is not to say I am ever not far behind. It’s just, it was quite OK to be behind when I put in the 40 minutes of work a week. Not when I actually try.

I better get back to doing nothing and blaming nothing getting done for lack of trying. This sort of nonsense tends to hurt the ego.

*Gently strokes bruised ego.*

I’ve been having difficulty putting this in words, and what you’re reading right now is probably the fourth rewrite. Unfortunately for you, that doesn’t translate to this entry being any better than the previous attempts.

Our story, like most others, revolves around a girl. I don’t know her. I don’t know anything about her. I don’t even know her name. It’s just, every time I see her[1], I get this oddly exhilarating rush… my head is in the clouds, I’m all fluttery as my heart begins to race and my knees (and most of the rest of me) get weak, in a good tingly way.

I’m euphoric, I’m inspired, and I’m peaceful. It’s like, for that brief instant, everything’s “just right” and I know why I am. Everything seems to slow down, and it’s all so… clear.

Of course, all of these are just words. In them, I’m struggling, but failing to accurately capture the effect her presence has on me.

This… high… lasts for a while, and the moment she’s out of sight, the pleasurable quivering[2,3] begins to die down. It soon negates, and now I’m shivering in terror as it dawns on me… I don’t know her. And, knowing me, I probably won’t ever.

If you’re particularly naive, you might say, “Well, if it affects you so much, what harm could it possibly do to just talk to her?” All I can say in response is “Easier said than done”. Does one ever really approach a total stranger, with whom they probably have nothing in common, and ‘just start’ a pleasant conversation? What would you talk about? Compliment the fabulous way she’s worn her hair? Make an insightfully-witty comment pertaining to the book she’s carrying? Hide your watch and ask for the time? Talk about the weather?

Without any sort of common circumstantial environment, what?

(That was almost a rhetorical question. Cheesy lines picked from movies, like “The moment I saw you, I knew I was going to marry you”, and variants, will not be tolerated.)

For all I know, she’s probably married, or something.

The scary thing here is, well, I’m not a kid. You’d think crushes and such are in the realm of the 14 year olds and their boy band member fantasies, not me. Not now. Especially not one who almost prides himself in not having a single thread of irrationalism in the fiber of his being.

The scariest thing, however, is how could one so articulate[4] begin to emulate a mute when he needs his words the most?

[1] A grand total of six times over the past couple of months. No, there were no instances involving binoculars. And is it weird that I vividly remember each instance?
[2] No, not what you just thought.
[3] Yes, you have reached the punchline this post was crafted around. You can stop reading now if you choose.
[4] That is not to say that I am particularly articulate or anything, just that I am not dumb. As in, I am fully capable of speaking.

Aside: Responding to all comments and e-mails relating to recent changes, I still haven’t figured out what to do with this default theme. It looks great, but it seems trite and un-me. We’ll see.

The other day, I was out window shopping and I couldn’t help but notice this adorable little burgundy top at a chic boutique. It had this fabulously varied and intricate design work done on it… and yet, it was simple and didn’t seem like it had too much going on. It wasn’t all flowy, definitely flattering, without being all corsety and uncomfortably constricting.

All was well and good, except:
a) It was horrendously expensive, especially for the poor student sort.
b) I most definitely don’t have a petite frame, and such pieces are crafted with the anorexic model in mind.
c) I lack a vagina.

Bear with random brokenness.

Update: I was, as usual, trying to revert back to the old theme to fit it in with the rest of the site. But now, I’m not too sure. This looks pretty sweet.