Month: January 2004

For whatever reason, on be good to me day, I signed up for a bunch of trips among other things. Today I went to Toledo, Ohio. Though it is in the next state and all that, it isn’t particularly far away. The plan was to see the Toledo Museum of Art.

Why?
No reason. Just wanted to get out and do something.

Was I the only non art freak there?
Yes.

Was everybody else from areas such as art history specializing in some post renaissance pre <insert any event after any renaissance you want here> period art or some such, people?
Yes, I guess.

Did it bother me?
Course not. Nice to interact with non-geeks once in a while.

Was I able to appreciate the art?
Does it matter?

Moving along, the journal shifts to photoblog mode, because it is just easier that way. I didn’t carry my tripod. Yes, I now own a tripod. Courtesy, be good to me day.

Once we reached there, it was apparent the weather in this part of Ohio isn’t too different from what we’re used to here.

The whole purpose of this exercise.

Imagine lil ol moi in a place like so appreciating the art. Of course, I cheated. I was lying on the ground taking this shot.

Of course, my main observation during this trip will have to wait till tomorrow or whenever. I be lazy now. So that was that. I travelled. I saw. I returned. I interacted with non-geeks.

Odd folk they be.

I know I get very comfortable when I sit in a chair. I slouch, beyond normal amounts. I feel just peachy, but other people seem to find it amusing/alarming. I have been told by parents, friends, professors and tons of others to sit straight, or something similar. Or at least the sermon about how I am hurting my back.

But this was a bit much. Here I am, having gotten our research code to build on a SIXTEEN processor, TWELVE GIGABYTE RAM SGI machine, and was just getting cozier and cozier as I was sliding down to my slouchiest best. Random person who HAPPENS to walk by has to pass on her 2 cents about how amusing I look.

Great.

Of course, I feel like the bravest guy in the world, but you’d realize what a chicken I really am and how irrational my fears are if I went into the details.

Why not let him live in his delusions?

Like I was saying, I’m the bravest guy in the world…

For some reason I’ve been imagining being shown round a gym.

Stick figures own expression.

Today was the first “be good to me” day. It was all about me, and I didn’t let anything or anyone ruin it. I have got to do this more often. I need it.

Probably I went a bit overboard and sane me might regret it tomorrow. Obviously not worrying about that today. And yes, forcing me to laboriously go through the details here is against the spirit of today too.

So here’s the thing. I was (unfortunately?) home early enough to catch the show last night. I say “I was early enough”, but what I probably mean is “I made sure I was early enough”. I could say it was pretty much a complete waste of my time, as she didn’t dump anybody yesterday, but I won’t. Why? Because it’s probably resulted in me trying to open my eyes.

Life is quite harsh, and though I am hoping like crazy reality isn’t how it is portrayed on these shows, I am not quite so sure any more. Things aren’t going entirely according to plan right now, which I know adds to my insecurities, but actually seeing it blatantly on a show like this just brings them out louder and clearer than I am ok with dealing with.

Just what is it I’m talking about? Yesterday was the day “the hunks” entered the scene along side our “average Joes” vying for the fair Larissa’s attention. First, this fished up show is just plain evil:
a) The “average guys” are waay below average in most respects.
b) The “hunks” are beyond extremely hot (and fully waxed). (And this is from a dude who thinks he’s straight.)
The Joes were getting creamed and will be, but will still stay humiliating themselves in order that we be entertained. But that is my beef with the show, not something that affected me personally.

Secondly, the way the woman glowed once they showed up. I mean she was all smiles and didn’t stop ONCE. Even more importantly, (to me, I being a guy), the Joes had to try so freaking hard (lighting a candle using lava from a volcano, say) to get a chance to give her a teeny peck on the cheek (where all she didn’t do was move away). But miraculously the connection with the hunks was so sudden that she was all over them in 30 s of they appearing on the set. Yes, hot tubs included.

Weird coincidence? I think not.

And all of this was just one half of the one-two punch. At one point, one of the people I was watching it with went something like “Oh those chiseled guys are inhuman. blah blah… blah blah.. regular guys like you and me”. Wooooooooooah. You AND ME? Back up the truck a bit buddy. Beep Beep Beep. I am not short and potbellied and bald for crying out loud. THAT WAS IT.

Yes, what I am trying to say is people are usually stupider than I assume, and tend to give more importance to certain aspects of people than those aspects deserve.

No, that’s not it. What I am trying to say is I probably should consider “working on the body” too.

’nuff said.

Parenting style has a great impact on what kinds of people their children grow up to be, and how they live their lives. And by great impact, I obviously mean absolutely no effect whatsoever. I just spent like an hour on the phone with my parents, and the conversation obviously deviated at points into V’s exploits.

It’s hilarious to think we’re from the same parents, same home, same society, similar/same schools, and same college. Some, probably trivial, facts about his lifestyle:

  – A cell phone and his own land line, at least one off the hook, all the time. Both if the person on the other end of one is dumb.
  – 30-50 bucks a day OVER a monthly allowance of 1000 bucks for “stuff”? Don’t ask. I don’t even want to know.
  – Driving around, I bet licenseless, in fancy cars.^*
  – Has extreme interest in, knowledge of facts in things related to and participatory tendencies toward sport.
  – A billion friends and an insane social life involving never being at home.
  – Extremely easily swayed by trends and what people around him do.
  – Absolutely NO sorts of conversations with anybody at home, besides the necessities, like “give me more money”. Which involves humourous events like mom having to call him on his phone from another room to hear him.
  – A connoisseur of fine (and not so fine) Tamil cinema and resulting music.

I am cracking up. I will stop there.

I don’t think I am actually going to explicitly negate EACH AND EVERY ONE of those lines and call it my “lifestyle”. Not that I am embarrassed in anyway, but I bet you can do that in your head and save me the trouble. I plan to observe this sometime as an outisider, without “cramping his style”. Not to feel I’ve achieved anything vicariously, just because I am curious as to… where the curves start diverging.

(^* Reminds me, men don’t have the luxury of feminine wiles to get away with this sort of thing. Like, *cough* some other people I know. Bet you assumed I forgot that, didn’t you?)

Watching OTHER people enjoy the benefits of blazingly fast connections at home just sucks. I hope they all die and rot in hell? No, nothing that extreme. Anyway, I am one of the calmest and rationalest people I know. I rarely get too excited and/or irritated. But today’s events totally warranted a blow up, and I did. It all started off with… a sort of pseudo analogy might do better.

Dad: Son, I think you’re old enough and it’s time we have this talk. We are going to talk about doing things safely.
Son: But DAAAD, stop embarrassing me. I know things, you know. My genius friends and I figured it all out. And we’re obviously more smarter than you, so I won’t mess up.
Dad: But son, all I wanted to talk about was being safe, about protection.
Son: Quiet down old man. I know how to be safe. I am safe right now, and nothing’s gone wrong. I am quite sure I can handle myself.
Dad: But, ok, good. Nice to know you’re the responsible sorts. And glad we had this talk.

3 months later, the son dies of an STD?… No! Far worse. 3 months later the dad gets a lawsuit filed against him by the RIAA because his son downloaded things he shouldn’t have, was stupid enough to get caught, and the internet connection was under the parent’s name.

This is the sort of nonsense that I hope won’t happen at home. I obviously don’t know what is going on, or if any of it might not be legal, but I DON’T HAVE A COMPUTER AND YET THE MODEM ACTIVITY IS OFF THE CHARTS. I tried to be concerned for these jokers, but not like I would really give a damn IF they did anything stupid and got caught or got sued to oblivion. But I do, because I handle all the bills. Everything is in my name. One unintelligent mess up, and the blame falls on me.

I am not saying they are doing anything wrong. I am saying they have to be OPEN TO TALKING TO ME ABOUT DOING THINGS SAFERLY IF THEY EVER PLAN TO. I don’t trust their intelligence in not getting caught if they do screw with the system. People (yes, I am implying other than I) are stupid. So that was it. I tried bringing it up, and got shot down. I almost wished they screwed up and had to pay. Trouble is, they wouldn’t be the ones doing any paying in case of a screw up. I was fuming, but left home. I had bigger things to be excited about. MEGGY. (Today was supposed to be the day I got to pick up megatr0n. So obviously was a bit excited. I would say I was a lot excited.)

Fast forward in time. Here I am at Best Buy giggling and giddy like a three year old on her first trip to a candy store. The dude gets the computer, and one look and I just know it HASN’T BEEN FIXED.

evilguy: Let me check the system. Oh, we’re sorry sir the charges were a FREAKING 5 DOLLARS over what estimate you’d approved. So we didn’t do anything.
me: Oh, so a guy who’s willing to pay 200 bucks won’t pay 205? Are you fishing insane? Why wasn’t I asked?… Generally blow my top.
evilguy: Sir, we tried contacting you and we couldn’t reach.
me: What fish. I CONTACTED YOU AND YOU TOLD ME ALL IS FINE.
evilguy: Oh :|. Now that you’ve apparently approved it, we can fix it. HEY LEEROY (not a real name, I forgot) HOW DO YOU SPELL REFERENCE? I AM A GOOD SPELLER BUT I DON’T KNOW THIS ONE. Sign here sir.
leeroy: umm

And then I gave up and gave it back to him preparing to live without it for another 3 weeks. Now I really hope they all die and rot in hell. Fishing incompetent, and stupid to boot.

So that was that. I avoided home, and am chilling at a relatives place for the weekend. Which totally negated all that anger and snappiness. I was, for whatever reason, forced to watch a Tamil channel for a bit. Now there were a bunch of movie songs being played. HILARIOUS. Some general notes about actresses from different movies. I could get into actors too, but why? I had enough fun mocking half the cast.

  – find something else to do after their first movie
  – wear the same horrendous costumes which show in all grandness what I’d rather not have seen
  – which results in the obvious – beyond flabby?
  – rejects from north India and associated hilarities wrt dubbing

I love this once a month, half hour dose of back-home-culture-reminder. I’ve never laughed so hard in my life. Boy was I on fire mocking them. Yes, I am going to hell but it was so worth it.

BWAHHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH! *Wipes tears*

This is irritating. Picked arbitrary sources with different xml feed formats to test aggregate, but rediff’s output seems special and unhandleable by spycyroll. Spent some time trying arbitrarily hacked versions. No luck.

Apparently rediff’s rss output is borked beyond repair. There’s no title and no concept of when the fishing post was published, among other serious issues. Hmm. See it choke in all its glory here.

I guess I will abandon efforts to fix it at my end for now, and send a general flame to the rediffblogs admin. What fish.

Yes, you’re obviously supposed to click the image.

Got things done to a decent enough level (as judged by someone who’d gone for some 50+ hours without sleep, so you never really know), and headed home for a while in the early afternoon. It isn’t much, but you do begin to miss your bed after not being in it a couple of nights. Curled up, felt (not uncharacteristically) cozy, and didn’t stir for four or so hours. A quick stop at a chic café, and the bodily systems recharge is some 80% complete. I don’t know what it is about cafés, but now I want to walk around in a beret.

Away time from home has resulted in few pleasant surprises. First, we’re on broadband. Secondly, my computer is fixed and now all I have do is pick it up. Third, though this can’t be classified as pleasant, got some paperwork related to taxes. Imagine me, all grown up and paying taxes.

Some scary stuff in the outside world though. Admittedly, “formal” relativistic mechanics (as in any such crash course style quantum leap in conception, just enough to get by for the next day) was totally new to me and scared me more than I am going to admit. (Us engineers are more Galilean and extremely classical in our perception of space and time. For starters, they are distinct objects. We like to keep things simple, and within our realm of comprehension. I can’t believe I said us engineers.) But the scary part in all of this is that the class strength seemed to have dropped to 60% just a day after these conceptual jumps were required to be made. And these are people who’ve been doing this and related things on this level for a long time now. Was I being foolhardy by sticking around when I clearly lack prerequisite insight essential to comprehending such things? I don’t know. I hope not. It is refreshingly different, and hence excitingly interesting. I just hope there aren’t any unpleasant crash and burnisms in the future.

But I’m not entirely sure even that was as unnerving as being reminded I don’t always portray enough of how I really feel. And place undue strain on peoples’ ESP. For no real reason, these lyrics come to mind,

I don’t know what it is
That makes me feel alive
I don’t know how to wake
The things that sleep inside
I only wanna see the light
That shines behind your eyes.

Apparently non-engineers need sleep. The library where I was at closed for the “night” at 5 AM. NOTHING ELSE AROUND WAS OPEN EITHER. What rot. No extremely late night almost morning bar, no breakfast place, no store, no BUILDING damn it. Stayed for a while in the cold till I found an engineering department. Sheesh.

I don’t feel so good.

In more moments of mind blowing side tracking, I just came across some words (some six of those while I was not working reading another biography) that might go into the “insert relatively funny catchphrase here” placeholder, above.

ardent, dry, tentative, incisive, witty, ironic, sarcastic, not caustic.

Might as well add something along the lines of self proclaimed while I’m at it. If someone comes up with a brilliantly funny line using some of these and/or related words, they get a prize*. Let the wordsmithing begin.

I’m trying too. But this is not my sort of thing. Clicking on any other page in the menu above should show you the current cheap imitation iterant.

(*If you count being blatantly plagiarized a prize.)

Does the unhappy happy dance. Except he isn’t in the frame of mind or physical condition to make any sudden moves.

Stay awake for over 30 hours.
Feel all disoriented and sick.
Induce large doses of caffeine.
Back to work, as good as new! Better even.
Do this for a few days in a row.
Die few days later.

(Obviously I am not going home tonight either. At this rate, I am going to stop paying rent.)

Does the unhappy happy dance, again.

(Yes, attention span and memory as well as perception of reality are fished.)

Update: You know there is something wrong when I start using exclamation marks. Two even. And, oh my goodness, am I not good enough to be a physicist?

No, this is just crazy talk. It’s late late, I’m exhausted. Back to screwing around and not understanding relativistic mechanics!

(If I can just keep away from this rather interesting scientist biography I’m finding more fascinating than I ought to. All hail Emmy Amalie Noether. Libraries suck productivity. )