Month: January 2004

No, not really. It’s 3:55 or some such in the morning and I am unable to sleep. Am nowhere near done for tomorrow due things. Coolest (actually not) bit is I haven’t started on dayafter due things.

Whee!

Ahh yes, in this generic insomnia, I somehow ended up at rediffblogs. Which surprisingly has links to different blogger meets and that sort of (shudder, social) thing. No, that isn’t the interesting bit. I quickly ran through the blogger lists by places. So there’s one for Delhi, Bombay, Madras, the usual suspects. The most interesting bit was amongst the Madrasi listees, only some 2-3 out of a much larger number were hosted on rediffblogs. The people from other places, over 90% hosted on rediffblogs. Just some weird coincidence? I think not.

I don’t know why that makes me feel better, or why I even observed that. I’m just on planet delirium right about now. Somehow hoping idle browsing and stupid observations make up for sleep.

I just stood there in the cold, reliving the evening and staring at it. I am not so sure the chill could be attributed to the cold.

Now I don’t know whether I have to mope about some stupid traffic light signal changing its sequence (and the obligatory having to reobserve and relearn), or whether I should be celebrating that I didn’t almost get myself killed by letting my state of mind affect my past perception based estimation.

It might seem awfully shallow to a third person that this is one of his biggest life concerns. I am not too good with dealing with changes, and I’m sort of targetting all fear related to all changes toward this. I guess, as if it’s a (reeshy level) metaphor for something a lot bigger.

Then again, it may just be a very important concern (for no apparent reason) in my life, and my life might just be a lot more sketchy than I give it credit for.

I had a rather eventful (by my standards anyway) evening yesterday. To put things in perspective, I was a bit unnerved by what we’ll call “events” that transpired earlier during the day. If you’re wondering, “events” is a generic placeholder for anything from being flustered that I couldn’t solve an “obvious” differential equation, to being rattled by the reality angel attempting to puncture my happy-happy bubble with her extremely fast action nail gun.

First, let’s start with the more fun things. Being computerless, I was at one of these common computers last evening trying to print some stuff out. Like all other normal people on generic machines, I used IE to attempt to print out some stuff I needed for this homework. (Yes, I still be a kid. I do things like homework and so on.) Anyway, I wasn’t paying too much attention to what it was that I was doing, and I failed to notice that this machine had one of those ad popup trojans installed, which was busy popping up ads for *cough*, stuff. So here I am pressing some obscure keystroke to print, not actually looking at what pages are being sent to the printer. I go to pick it up, and I have to bear the totally pseudo wrath of a couple of people standing next to the printer as my few pages of softcore porn interspersed with geek stuff rolls out. How exciting!

(Before I go on, I must make an obligatory reference to Calvin‘s dad because I think of this each time I am slowly making my way through the bitter cold and feet of snow. He’d always say something like [insert generic misery here] builds character.

That is one awesome comic.)

Moving along, it is no secret that I like relatively static routines. Sure, I am not the most happening of people as a result, but I am comfortable with it. I see patterns and form routines. Now this pattern seeing thing is not always good, as I realized last evening. I have this (rather adaptive) traffic light sequence I usually cross on my way home. Like most geeks, I know its sequence by heart, and know how it adapts to how crowded the lanes are, and correct for it in my predicting its actions. What I am trying to say is, I don’t really watch it turn, I see its state, look around, and respond assuming I know how it will behave. Yesterday was one of those cold and many feet of snow (exaggerating of course, but for good reason) on the road days, and I wasn’t in the best frame of mind to make sane decisions. And yet I, the hero, attempt to cross without really paying too much attention to the actual state of affairs relating to reduced braking ability induced by the aforementioned feet of snow. Needless to say, thank god for people driving slow(er)ly because it was such horrid weather. I now got what it meant to be really shaken.

Yes, all of that talk of patterns and things was just to glorify my carelessness.

But today has been totally different as a result. Everything looks cheery. As if on cue, the sun is out and shining. All past pending home cleaning/improvement jobs have been completed in a day. It’s like I really want everything around me to look as good as I now see it.

Everything just feels a lot cooler. Everything looks a lot prettier. I feel good. I feel not dead.

* NDEs – Near death experiences

Yes, clicking me will open up a larger version of the same picture.

If you’re a camera.

Ah yes, I don’t normally do this, but I am lazier than usual today. Here’s a poll from /.

Your Biggest Failure as a Nerd?
[ ] Haven’t seen LOTR.
[ ] Didn’t build my own computer.
[ ] Don’t run Linux.
[ ] Have a significant other.
[ ] Don’t use caffeine.
[ ] Exercise regularly.
[ ] Only have one email address.
[ ] Less than excellent karma.

*sighs*

Except it is some system and not really a horse. I will go on and on about this at regular intervals, and you have to bear with me.

Program Action History: Mechanical Engineering Mas
01/12/2004 Completion of Program – Mechanical Engineering MSE

o-\-< o-|-< o-/-<

Not to get into details because it’s depressing me, but these modded lyrics should capture the mood.

“My tea’s gone cold, I’m wondering why I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window and I can’t see at all
And even if I could it’d all be grey, but your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it’s not so bad
It’s not so bad

I drank too much last night, got bills to pay
My head just feels in pain
I missed the bus and there’ll be hell today
I’m late for work again
And even if I’m there, they’ll all imply that I might not last the day
And then I try to call you and it just got a whole lot worse”

A relatively nice song by Dido, no matter what other words people try to associate her name with.

That apart. Begun some subtle changes to the site. Slowly beginning the separation of work and play. And removing most blatantly obvious ways of getting from one to the other. I’ve suddenly realized why people do this, and that it is a good idea. I will move these “play” pages slowly to wahgnube.org and evolve the work ones in here.

And in life news, I am finalizing things that make all these degree extenders official and legit. Yes, I am or soon will be bound to stay here a bit longer to finish up.

Woke at a decent hour, 7ish. In the shower by 7:12. Reached late for a class which started at TEN THIRTY. Did NOTHING ELSE in the time in between. What gives? Is water that much fun? I must have been some sort of camel-fish in my previous life or some such. (Why camel-fish? – You need to work with me a bit here. I have exhausted analogies with most animals and am now moving on to hybrids). It’s like I was a camel, except without a hump and with gills of steel, and needed to store my days supply of air to live.

Ok, that did sound a lot funnier in my head. (And yes, I know you’re going, “Oh, sure it did.”). Of course, there is only so much you can do to make it sound funny if the only “event” in your day was a long shower.

I love my life.

Not.

Ahh yes, I’ve been using the computer an awful lot less, and that is a good thing. You get to do so much, like not miss the new Average Joe. I don’t know what it is, I hate this one less. I guess I have gone through these things too many times to feel as annoyed as I once did anymore.

They have definitely chosen a more dorky set of people, which I think adds to my lack of sympathy when they are booted off. And this woman seems a tad more invested in the process than the other one was. As in she SEEMED a bit sad as she was booting off people, and she didn’t kick out all the above 200 pound guys in the first week. She waited for one more. That has to count for something.

But I think the real reason I didn’t hate the show was this one guy. There is something about the way he behaved that was, I don’t know, clear to me I guess, but not always seemingly clear to other people. When you have all these guys going on and on about how beautiful she looked (something I’m quite sure she knows and has heard a billion times before considering she is a miss [insert name of place here, or if you are feeling cocky, a larger place, or if you are feeling even more cocky, universe here]), there is this one guy who’s appreciating her portraits. That’s just the most intelligent move I’ve ever seen a person make on such a show. No points for guessing who she seemingly likes the most at this point. But does it matter? Considering in a few weeks they will bring in the model type men and these poor mere mortals have a very high probability of being dumped in an instant.

Or maybe all of this is moot and she just looks more attractive than the other woman and my field of reality perception is warped as a result. It very well could be you know.

(Yes I am thankful the site plug, death, site plug, death, site plug, … post sequence is over too.)

I feel like I’m going all out to prove that I can make a professionalish site if I have to. I wonder why though.

Sleep. Must sleep.

But while I’m plugging sites anyway, budding writer / those sorts of people, check out the newly evolving aesthetica. It’s in good hands.
Umm, everytime someone doesn’t check out what I point them too, umm god kills a kitten. Please think of the kittens. Yes, something like this. Aww.

This is just a bit too weird. I mean, I am old enough to understand death and things but that doesn’t mean I have to be reminded it exists so often. I was walking home last night rather late, when I noticed this small deer lying down in the snow by the side of the sidewalk. For an instant I hoped she was resting or something, but that seemed like an awfully cold place to be. A little closer and her eyes were open, with this blank stare.

She wasn’t breathing.

By the time I got home and figured out the number (without a computer or a half decent phone book) for the humane society / animal welfare people, they already knew about it.

This is too much, she was definitely just a kid. It’s not fair.

Spent some time in the evening working on the backend for our friend http://umich.edu/~hnarayan

All was well until I checked it on Internet Explorer. For some reason it wants to render arbitrary lines which just mess things up.

How it should look, as rendered in galeon.

How it looks on IE.

If people with different versions of IE confirm this I will be a happier man. Now I need some sleep.

I “know” none of these people, and haven’t met any of them. But I have gotten a glimpse into their work through email lists, activity logs and brief exchanges on IRC. Three young GNOME hackers passing in something like a month. It isn’t supposed to be like this. I do feel quite sorry for their families and friends. :(

Ettore Perazzoli, Chema Celorio and Mark Finlay.

Good bye, thank you and hope things are better where you are.

I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to not do this either. I hope I don’t have to ever again.

First, rush here: http://umich.edu/~hnarayan/

Back so soon? It’s a template for a non-existent ‘professional’ site. I’d really like comments. And yes, I am willing to listen (and not snap back too). This is the first step in a bunch to separate the work related things from the not work related things around here. Yes, I am begging. Even a good/bad/gah/eek/.. might help.

Change might be good.

I noticed I’ve been maintaining a whole lot more eye contact with people in general. Not for the normal folk I usually be with, that’s always been ‘creepily high’. I mean, for the random ones, who you pass and you’re quite sure you might never see again or don’t particularly care that you won’t? It’s been, odd. I’ve never had more random person 2 line exchanges or even small conversations with arbitrary people in my entire life than I have over the past few weeks. And people just seem to be an awful lot more friendly and smiley. Or maybe it’s just me. Eitherway, this is a sort of thing that I couldn’t stand when I first got here. Now I (gasp) look forward to it.

Change might be good.

I ALMOST rolled my first ‘r’ today. :|. Someone was asking me about something complicated and I go “But it’s just so harr(begin to consider the roll .. mayday mayday, what the fish do you think you’re doing.. abruptly end the syllable)d”. Was awfully close.

Change might be bad.

And hair lengths. You know it’s time for a hair cut:
(a) When you cough up hairballs
and you’re not a cat.
(b) When it gets stuck in your jacket zipper
when you thought you were holding it out of the way
and your zip is no where near the general neck region.
(c) When you’re willing to admit it
though it means having to endure overly chirpy people. GAH!
(d) All the above, and a bunch more you claim you’re too lazy to jot down
when in reality you want to but you can’t see very clearly with all that hair.

Change might be necessary.

And yes, let’s not forget these.

Change might be good.

And really, I have nothing more to say about it. Making people laugh is the most amazing feeling one can have. (Probably the most is a bit strong, but it must definitely fall way up there near the top at least.)

Losing your computer can hit you on so many levels. Apart from the obvious work related things, there are a host of other irritants like lacking the ability to wake and chew through email or being unable to download images from your camera without going through mount /dev/sdc1 /mnt/camera/ style cryptisms. But something that’s really made me miss it is being unable to listen to music at home. I was pretty hooked into the rather nice docking station like feel at home, where the notebook would plug into the rest of the “music system” and I can listen to whatever noise I usually do.

Now that’s gone.

So I’ve been lugging around 50-60 discs at all times, but that is a pain after a bit. So made some space and started ripping the better 10-20 onto some other machines last evening. Grip has proved to be an excellent tool, though there was one scratched disc and paranoia didn’t give up, needing it to be killed. But all in all good stuff.

Last evening was also one of those (now frequent) caffeine abuse evenings. I was buzzing like a bee, and went home at some 1 in the morning. Couldn’t sleep of course. Totally active, high, and happy. Worked on and sorted out accounts (of all things) with people and am a thousand bucks richer. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself. Then called comcast, and their lines were busy at TWO in the morning, but eventually got through and should have cable at home in a bit. I just hope my computer’s fixed before that. I generally detest comcast, but there was something rather cool that happened last evening. As I was one the line with the woman changing my cable plan, the channels I could access were instantaneously changing. Very cool.

That done, I still couldn’t sleep. Remembered I told this person I’d work on something if I have the time. So I started. First pass was just a bunch of unrelated paragraphs, quotes and anecdotes. In the second, I started tying it in. It looked cool last night. It looks just about bearable right now. Will work on it some more and send it to the people so the little kiddies can read. I don’t have a title yet, but for now it deals with curiosity, knowledge, thought, experiment, all leading to deterministic points of view and I might stretch that even to the existence (or not) of “God”, if I feel controversy createy at the time, culminating in the saviour and champion probability inducer, quantum physics.

Moving along, had to wake rather early and reached a class that wasn’t held where I thought it should be (or has been cancelled or was off today for some reason or…). So spent that time looking around for studio deals. I think if I am willing to double what I spend a month on housing, I can live in some rather cool place, in a hip part of town. Yes, people living in cool places are automatically cool.

Or so I have to try telling myself to convince me to cough up the added 400 bucks or so each month.

And yes, I totally side-stepped the joygasmic happy making thing, again.